


States of Existence

by LordBeeWood



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, F/F, F/M, Family, Gen, Im a sucker for it, Im taking canon and simmering it at 600 degrees to only collect the juicy bits, Kaminari is a queen, M/M, Mostly Gen, Multi, Self-Insert, aka fuck canon, chakra weirdness, fixed the formatting on chapter two, hi I am working on this I swear, maybe romance eventually, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-05-09 19:06:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14721881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordBeeWood/pseuds/LordBeeWood
Summary: "I came into this world during a thunderstorm in August. Terror of birth, already blurry, hazy mass of past life- future- something on the forefront of my brain, and vestiges of angry red energy not even being considered an important blip on my new parents map."SI/OC fic.Kaminari Namikaze was born with a mess of ideas and memories that she isn't sure are supposed to be there. Between flashes of the past and future, and something incredibly wrong about her chakra, she struggles to find her place in the world and protect the people she love.AKA A fucked up kid in a fucked up universe tries their best to make things less fucked up





	1. And So It Begins

Being born is something I’d rather not have to remember. Being crushed by pressure then shot out into the cold, bright world I assume is never a pleasant experience for anyone  _ (Pressure as it connected causing a burst causing the loss of-) _ . Having the mental capacities to realize exactly what was happening during and after it however, along with theoretically experiencing it twice, probably made the situation much, much worse than anyone else probably could or would mention. Having a brain that recognized how innately messed up the whole process of being born was, especially with the mind of an adult, was horrible  _ (Street in front of me, and people, watching. Horror filled silence and disbelief as dread filled me and I couldn't move-) _ . So I’ll say this: I was born during a thunderstorm in August, first child to my parents and I was a complete accident on their part - Good going Mom and Dad, setting up a strong, responsible example for me right off the bat. I was, however, an accident that they were entirely prepared for by the time I finally graced the planet with my flesh body judging by the amount of people around as I was born willing to manhandle me out of the womb and give me all the care that my infant body needed. I came out quieter than any newborn ought to, but the jumble of voices didn’t really register much to me due to shock of the situation  _ (Faces blur past but I know them. I knew them at some place as the pressure was gone but I was suddenly too warm and weak and still-) _ .

 

The only thing I felt was red _(Hot and running. Out and onto me as I tried to stop it. Why was there so much red? Oh.. I know.. I know)_. That's the only way I could properly describe it- a sticky red that covered my senses and tried to steal the life out of my throat. I choked on it before letting out my first wail, trying to get it away from me as it bubbled and festered in the air. The voices around me grew louder before - not nearly fast enough- the horrible red seemed to fade away, ebbing itself to the back existence to where I could only feel it squirming about like worms if I tried to hard enough. _(Panic seized as black dotted my vision and burning swam out across my nerves. Was this- Was I-)_ I didn’t try.

 

A tired voice sounded to my left and another even more tired one next to it, the source of the red. It was excited and held out hands to me, wanting and waiting for me to be put in them. I squirmed as I was handed off, trying to get away, crying, screaming, and scared of yet again being lost into that feeling of red. However there were only soft words and a tired laugh as people spoke around me and I slowly started to calm as a result. The red was still there, watching, but it seemed to be done trying to crawl into my throat and for that, I would forgive it if only momentarily. After being prompted a few times with a slew of words I couldn’t quite understand and yet seemed to anyways  _ (Yells in panic, screaming, crying. “Someone help!”, “Mommy did she just-”,  “There's been a-”, “I can’t believe they just-”, “Hold on. Please, please just hold on-” It shook as nothingness took hold)  _ I looked up at the person-who-was-holding-me’s face.

 

Violet eyes met mine, a slightly round, tired, grinning face framed by vibrant red hair. I must of been eyeing her funny because she looked over at the man next to her with a chuckle and said something which caused him to let out a short, sudden laugh. He ran a hand through his blonde hair and leaned down to my eye level as well, vibrant blue staring into me with a soft gaze I can’t say I had ever experienced to this point. He spoke softly and slowly to me, like if he spoke to loud I’d disappear  _ (Nothingness. Empty, void-light filled every ounce of me and tried to consume what was left. I didn’t want to- I could- I would-.  _ **_Live._ ** _ It couldn’t have me- not all of me.  _ **_Live._ ** _ ) _ . Or more likely he was worried I’d start screaming again, not that I could really blame him for that.

 

Still, I came into this world during a thunderstorm in August. Terror of birth, already blurry, hazy mass of past life- future- something on the forefront of my brain, and vestiges of angry red energy not even being considered an important blip on my new parents map. Because as they stared down at me, tired after the long labor of bringing me into this word, they decided the thunderstorm was what would signify me and my future. And so my fathers horrible naming practices got used on me, and I was born Kaminari Namikaze. Couldn’t even use something more normal for my name with the same meaning, but I guess that one of the perks of creating a life is the privilege to slap whatever name on it you want. But I digress, I was born the first child of Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki. And in that moment, despite all evidence pointing to the contrary, the world continued to spin normally as if everything would progress as it should. Should being the key word there, because funny thing about the universe is that things never go as they should, and it was a cosmic joke that the universe thought it was going to continue as planned after pulling something like this. Plans are made to be ruined after all, I just happened to be the catalyst of this one. 

* * *

 

(Third-Person PoV)

 

Kushina had noticed that her daughter wasn’t normal fairly quickly. Despite of what some people, maybe more then some, may think she could be very perceptive to things. Her daughter fit into that category of things she was perceptive to, and therefore she realized that 

Kaminari was definitely not normal in many senses of the word. 

 

First off there was that glint in her daughter’s eyes, this knowledgeable star that she would level at the world around her. At first Kushina had just assumed it was nothing and that it was just a gut feeling left over from the craziness of the last few months. But no, as her daughter grew the look didn’t change, it became more prominent than anything. And as it did Kaminari had also started showing other signs as well. Specific series of noises when Kushina would read bedtime stories, precise movements and gestures to get her and Minato to notice things, a seemingly good comprehension of what was being told to her and what was going on. It wasn’t however the most noticeable thing to pick up, and despite all of this her daughter was still an excitable little thing who’d still gurgle and gasp at her and Minato whenever they were near, who would cuddle up to them and preen under the love and attention given to her. So she shrugged off the oddly quiet nights, the lack of screaming and crying, and just liked to say that Kaminari was in every sense a wonderful and easy child. 

 

Then Kaminari started walking. At six months, it shouldn’t of been happening but she and Minato had been ecstatic. It would of been hard to be anything but considering the proud look on her face when she wobbled over to Minato and held up her arms, demanding to be picked up with loud babbling. Not even a month after that came her first words, which was yet again met with praise and love. Still, it was so fast. Her daughter with the same face that held childish glee at simple things like seeing Minato come home from missions or training had a certain maturity and knowledge about it as if she knew how to do this, she was aware of what was happening and understood it. 

 

Kaminari was, in almost every sense of the word, turning out to be an odd child. The first year went by in a blur of quickly met goals and milestones, her surpassing expectations becoming the norm. Kushina was so proud of her daughter, so proud. It didn’t stop her from worrying about her future however. The world wasn’t kind to people who grew up fast, and so she held her daughter close. She loved Kaminari too much for that to happen. 

  
  


(Kaminari PoV)

 

I stared up at Mom, holding her hand tightly and pouting a bit for maximum effect. It had stopped working a while ago, I blamed the fact I was lacking my moms big cute eyes. Still it was worth the shot. 

 

“Mom,” I softly whined, “I want to see Dad and Obi-nii and Kaka-nii and Rin-nee.” 

 

Mom pouted right back at me, “Awww but Kami-chan, don’t you want to come meet Mommy's friend? She has a son about your age, dattebane.” 

 

We stared at eachother a few moments, pouting in the middle of the street and getting more than a few odd looks before I looked away.

 

“Only if we get to see Dad and everyone later.” I gave in and Mom laughed before scooping me up and beginning to walk again, taking the opposite way from where Dad was usually training. 

 

“ They’ll probably all be over for dinner like always, so you probably will.” 

 

I nodded and relented to this fact because it was true, Dads team commonly came over in general so the chances of them not showing up at some point today was pretty slim.  Still, there was something but so fun about being around my basically-older-siblings, never a dull moment around them. In the meantime though, I suppose being carted around by mom was a good way to spend the day, even if it meant having to hang out around someone else my age. I didn’t particularly enjoy to usually, it was mostly a maturity thing I suppose. Still, eventually I would like to make friends in my own age bracket, and since this was going to mom's-friends kid it would be better to get along with them compared to any random kid. No pressure. 

 

We wove our way through town until the crowds started thinning out of the usual suspects and changing. The normally vast sea of people with wide varieties of clothing styles and colors morphed slowly into one mainly consisting of common themes and trends. Dark blues, blacks, and reds formed most of the clothes and everyone had pale skin with dark eyes and hair. I blink curiously and looked around at- ( _ bodies. There were bodies littering the ground with stains of blood and- _ ) I cringed a bit and focused onto my mother's swinging hair instead. I hated those, the weird flashes where it was almost like I was suddenly in a different moment. They were distracting at the best of times and downright terrifying at the worst with a fluctuating intensity and no way to predict their sudden occurrences. So I tended to try to get rid of them as soon as they happened and then ignore whatever I saw as quickly as possible, hopefully it was just an overactive imagination, or lack of sleep. Hopefully. 

 

I wasn’t going to hold my breath though.

 

We stopped in front of a more traditional building that looked like it  had been her for a long while, kind of historic but still well kept with dark wood and sliding doors. Mother knocked and adjusted me in her arms, a small smile on her face that turned into a grin as the door slid open, revealing a woman who looked to be about the same age as my mom with long black hair and dark eyes, much like everyone else in the area. 

 

“Kushina,” the woman softly exclaimed, moving to open the door more, “It's been too long, come in please.”

 

“Thanks Mikoto, and no kidding but I’m starting to learn why you practically disappeared after having your first child.” Mom rambled a bit with a chuckle, “children can be quite the handful.”

 

Mikoto chuckled and agreed as I blinked because really, I thought I had been a pretty good kid. Limited my screaming and crying and all. Ah well, it's not like she had ever had another child to base me on.

 

“ And you must be Kaminari-chan.” The dark haired woman, Mikoto, said as she closed the door behind us and smiled at me, “My names Mikoto Uchiha, it's nice to meet you.” 

 

I blinked before shifting a bit under the attention and bowing my head a bit, “It's nice to meet you too Uchiha-san.” A small, bashful smile finding its way to my lips and Mikoto's face softened at the look. 

 

“And so polite too.” Mikoto lightly said as she looked back to Kushina and led us into a sitting room, “She got that from Minato-kun didn’t she?” 

 

Mom huffed jokingly as we sat down at the low traditional table and I was placed next to Mom, “What? You think I didn’t teach her her manners? I’ll have you know I’ve been at home with her almost every day.”

 

Mikoto chuckled as she moved into what I assumed to be a kitchen, “Of course you did as well Kushina, but she seems a bit more quiet at him as well.” 

 

Kushina chuckled at that and looked at me, “Are you like your Dad, Kami-chan?”

 

I blinked up at her and smiled, “I dunno.” 

 

I did know, and the answer was I was more like him then I was like mom. Still, I wouldn’t say that to her face, I feel like it’d be more than a bit rude. Besides, my response got a laugh out of her before she pulled me into a hug and ruffled my hair, causing me o let out a small squeak and pull away as my hair became a mess. 

 

Mikoto walked back in with a pot of tea and set  it down, a young boy with - yet again - dark hair and eyes with pale skin following her as she begins to serve us tea, Mikoto chuckling at our antics before Mom stopped to take her now full cup and add sugar to it. I pouted a bit at her as I tried to straighten out my hair again, I didn’t get my fathers naturally wild hair so it just didn’t look good when someone ruffled it all up, after I leaned a bit to observe the new person in the room. 

 

The boy stared back at me and-  _ (Red clouds on black coats what bring hurt where they go- Dead bodies littered everywhere, blank eyes staring in horror because they trusted, they trusted- too young and yet too old slammed together and yet being forced- it hurts- I’m sorry- just- why. Why why why why why why-) _

 

“-is Itachi.” Someone finished as I came back to myself, cotton in my head as I stared at the boy across from me and but the name to the face to the pictures and something settled deep within the pit of my gut. I had missed most of what was said, and yet at that moment I couldn’t care less. Visions and lapses into whatever was in my head occurred but were ignorable due to usually being disconnected to any given person. It was my imagination, I could convince myself. Sure I had ones about Mom and Dad but they hadn’t been when I first met them. Even the ones that I had when I met my Dad’s students had been oddly washed out, like watching it through a lens or a film. This though, It was so sharp and vivid. For a moment I thought the flashes were real. And somewhere deep in my gut I had the feeling that I knew this kid. It was disjointed but it was there. And suddenly my sense of reality was shook a bit by the realization that maybe, just maybe, those flashes of over active imagination weren't imagination.

 

But I didn’t have time to worry about that right now, I forced it back like a bad taste and let it settle, a rock in my gut, to deal with later. And instead looked away from the dark eyes, flustered. “It’s - um- nice to meet you Itachi-kun, I’m Kaminari Namikaze. Its nice to meet you.” I stumbled a bit over my words and Mom chuckled. 

 

“Aw, Kami-chan don’t be shy.”

 

I wasn’t it was just hard to focus on a kid that you literally just had flashbacks (flashforwards?) about. I looked back up and between everyone before giving my nicest smile because it’s okay, I could handle this and deal with all that other crap later. I could figure this out.

 

I hoped.

* * *

 

Mom and Mikoto talked quietly at the table as Itachi and I sat a little ways away. It was awkward at first, probably due to the mix of Itachi just seemed to be the quiet sort and the fact that I had never really had to interact with anyone my age before so I wasn’t quite sure how to go about it. Or perhaps it was because I apparently came across as ‘shy’ during my little flub-up involving skipping through time and space for a couple of seconds, something I just did not want to think about right at this moment but the idea was clawing at the back on my head with no restraint. Putting a cap on it for now I chose to assume it was the former opinions and decided that some kind of game would probably be best. My thoughts slowly but easily slid into what game we should play and considering we were inside and things were more quiet anyways it was pretty easy to choose one. 

“Itachi-kun,” I said, voice light and steady despite my stumbling over my words earlier, “wanna play cat's cradle?”

Training for children disguised as a game, not that I found it in myself to care much about that thanks to the fact it was actually pretty fun once you got going. 

Itachi blinked at me and nodded, heading off to find a string and soon the two of us were seated across from each other, starting to weave the string between our digits. The first bit was easy, working up to the cradle the first time is really just to get into the movements of it, and the two of us remained quiet while doing so. Peaceful and boring, once we hit the first cradle it was time for the fun to begin. On the next pass of the string I sped up a bit, glancing at him and hoping he got the idea. He mimicked my pace as he glanced back before focusing on the string. I grinned slightly and looked down. Challenge accepted, the game was on. 

Typically the game itself was just about getting the forms right before moving to the next one, easy. However I quickly figured it out and it became boring, and my parents noticed so they changed it up a bit on me and we started trying to do it as fast as possible before one of us would get our fingers knotted in the strings on accident. Thankfully Itachi seems to have caught easily onto the idea and the two of us started speeding through as many formations as we could remember. I thought I would have an edge considering I had played like this before but Itachi was surprisingly good at keeping up with me. 

My brain was keeping count of the pace my fingers were moving, trying to keep up between his fingers and my own when during his turn I spared a glance at him. He was staring down intently, eyebrows furrowed with a slight smile on his face as he easily formed the next shape between us-  _ (proud he looked up, a slight smile on his lips as he said-) _ , I snapped out of the thought as fast as I fell into it as my fingers got caught between segments of strings and completely knotted in a matter of a second. I looked down at the mess as he blinked at he, something akin to confusion on his face. Suddenly I wondered for a moment what I look like when ever my brain went and did that. Shrugging that idea away I let out a sigh and tried to flex my fingers.

“Well shoot.” I mumbled before looking up at him, shooting him a small grin and offering him the clump that was now my fingers and strings all tangled, “Mind lending me a hand?”

“Okay.” Itachi replied simply at he reached forward and carefully started detangling my fingers from the mass, and once freeing my fingers working on getting out the knots in the string I had caused. He looked up at me as he worked, black eyes meeting dark blue, a barely-there smile on his face.

“I think I won.” He stated in a matter-of-fact-tone.

I let out a small huff and pouted a bit in response, resetting the string around our hands and making the first move to restart the game. 

“Best two of three?”I asked, looking at him expectantly. 

He didn’t verbally respond but I’d say he looked fairly pleased with the idea as he made the next move and we quickly fell back into the rhythm of the game. We quickly picked up the pace from there and fell back into companionable silence. I didn’t bother glancing up at him this time, focusing on keeping pace with him because the spark of competitiveness in me didn’t want to lose again due to some stupid mishap with my brain. The result was the game lasting far longer then I think either of us expected because either of us had fumbled by time my mom walked over to take me home, startling both of us a fair bit due to our focus in the game and causing the string between us to snap when we jumped from the surprise. We both stared at the string for a moment before looking at each other.

“A tie?” Itachi offered after thinking about it for a moment.

I nodded in consent and smiled adding, “Next time we’ll keep going, okay?”

Another small smile came from Itachi due to that along with a nod, “If you win next time though we’ll have to go best four of six.” 

That was the most I had heard out of him all day. I couldn’t help a small grin from my face, 

“Sounds fair to me, Itachi-kun.”

Because it was. 

And besides, if we happened to end up like today we would just tie forever and have to keep playing against each other. Which sounded pretty good to me.

  
  


I sat in Rin-nee’s lap in the living room, watching her gently twist strings and beads together as she tried to show me how to make bracelets. My craft’s skills weren't horrible considering I didn’t normally do anything, but my deft yet pudgy fingers had not gotten used to this kind of activity. Glowering a bit at her work I looked down at mine and tried to copy her to the best of my ability.

Obi-nii and Kaka-nii sat in the kitchen at the table sharpening their kunai and bickering while Mom and Dad cooked dinner. The normal routine that everyone seemed to fall into the night before Dad and everyone would leave the village for a few days. It had been happening more often along with the growing tension forming in the air. Something big was going to happen-  _ (the clashing of metal and the smell of iron in the air. Adrenaline fueling each strike foreword in the desperate struggle to not even win, just to live. I just wanted to live-)  _ and that didn’t bode well. I hit my discomfort of the sudden flashes with a shiver as Rin-nee blinked down at me. 

“You okay Kami-chan?” She asked gently, setting the bracelet she made down to adjust me on her lap.

I frowned slightly and wondered if I should say anything about those flashes, but decided against it and looked up at her.

“I’m just sad you, Dad, Obi-nii, and Kaka-nii have to go away again.” I explained away simply.

Rin-nee frowned slightly and thought for a moment before answering,

“We won’t be away for too long, we’ve always come back before you’ve gotten lonely right?” 

Pouting slightly as I leaned back against her I allowed myself to whine about this, I felt it was deserved.

“I guess,” I dragged out, “but you’ve been going out more and more. I don’t like it.”

Rin-nee hummed for a moment as she thought and gently combed through my hair with her fingers before absentmindedly braiding it. 

“Well then, we’ll just have to make it up for you when we all get back right?” She responded with a smile. “So how about you think about what you want all of us to do when we get back and we’ll do it when we do. Okay?” 

I accepted that with a nod and looked back down to finish my bracelet before wiggling off Rin-nee’s lap and heading over to Obi-nii and Kaka-nii.

“Obi-nii” I stood next to him and tugged on his pant leg to get his attention. He paused mid breath like he was about to say something, and judging by the glare he was leveling at Kaka-nii it was going to be another argument, so I didn’t feel bad interrupting at all. Obi-nii let out a long breath and settled for a sharper glare at Kaka-nii before brightening a bit and looking at me.

“What is it Kami-chan?” He said, smiling as he ruffled my hair and I giggled at bit at the action.

“Gimmie your wrist.” I demanded as I smiled up at him. He did so with no hesitation and I looped the bracelet around his wrist, tying it off.

“You’re getting the first one,” I said, looking at my handiwork before looking back up at him, “Do you like it?”

Obi-nii looked at it and faked a deep contemplative look, humming and rubbing his chin in thought before smiling at me. 

“I like it, thank you Kami-chan.” He said before giving me a hug then smirking at Kaka-nii. “I’m glad you gave your first one to your favorite brother.”

Kaka-nii rolled his eyes and ignored Obi-nii, finishing up sharpening his kunai and putting them in his holster. I laughed and hugged Obi-nii back.

“I didn’t say that though,” I said, putting on my most innocent expression, “I love both of you equally.” 

“No, no Kami-chan,” Obi-nii said in faux seriousness, “You don’t need to lie to protect Bakakashi’s feelings.”

Kaka-nii snorted and shot him a deadpanned look, “If anything she's trying to protect your feelings since I’m her favorite.”

“I don’t see you the one with the bracelet.” Obi-nii answered, waving his arm in Kaka-nii’s direction to show it off.

“That’s because she knows I don’t need proof.” Kaka-nii answered plainly.

Dad’s shoulders shook a bit with a stifled laugh. Kaka-nii’s eyes flicked to him and a weary look of exasperation fell on his face.

I giggled because my family was wonderful and I loved them.

I loved them so much.

Dad got to tuck me in tonight, another ritual to prove that he was going to be gone for awhile because usually Mom and Dad would do it together. This was the only time he really did it by himself, and when he did he would usually sit with me on my bed and read to me first before doing so. And thus here we sat, me snuggled in bed as Dad finished reading one of his favorite books, The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi. I had heard it a handful of times through and through by this point and could probably recite at least half of it by memory. It wasn’t that fantastic of a book really, I found it cheesy and with too many purple prose, but Dad really liked it so it was special. 

He closed the book and set it besides my bed before looking at me with a soft smile. I loved his smiles. Moms were like the sunlight, bright and blinding and filled with energy. Dad’s were different, much calmer but filled with this neverending warmth that seemed to radiate out from him. 

“So are you ready for bed Kami-chan?” He asked lightly, smoothing out my blankets as he stood up.

“If I say no will you stay longer?” I asked, somewhat joking. I would love for him to stay longer and read another story to me so I could ignore the fact I wouldn’t see him or my siblings for a while, but that wouldn’t happen. I knew it wouldn’t.

Dad chuckled slightly and kissed my forehead.

“I wish I could,” He said gently, “But you know I have to go to bed so I can get up early tomorrow.”

“I know,” I conceded, allowing myself to pout slightly though, “Just promise that you’ll come back safe.” 

“I promise I’ll come back safe.” He said and then thought for a moment before his smile widened a fraction, “And when I get back I’ll show you something cool okay? We’ll spend a whole afternoon together so you can learn it then too.”

I perked up at the thought of that.

“Is it another game?” I asked, getting a small grin at the thought of something else to play with Itachi-kun maybe next time I saw him.

Dad just chuckled and stepped away from my bed as he deflected the question, “It’s a surprise.”

I let out a displeased noise at this but smiled and cuddled into my bed.

“Fine. Night Dad, I love you.” I said 

He smiled softly at me again as he turned off the light.

“Goodnight Kaminari, I love you too.” He softly said before he closed the door and I heard his footsteps head down the hall.

Dad was gone before I woke up the next morning. A week later he hadn’t come home but news spread fast. Everyone worries were confirmed and a few attacks along the borders had erupted into a war. 

It was a month before Dad was able to come home.

* * *

 


	2. In Which the Spring of Youth Flourishes Before Things Go to Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes don't we wish the happy days could last forever?
> 
> Unbetaed

The next few weeks were a strange silence that only came about when something was suddenly missing from your life. Mom and I slowly adjusted to not having everyone around, the first week was easy as they had gone on week long missions before but never longer than that. Mom was good however at beating away the gloom that threatened our home due to this, and for that I was thankful. However, I found myself even more appreciative at how she went about filling my time during those silent days.  
It was early July, only a handful of days away from Itachi’s birthday and a month from my own, and I was sitting in Moms lap watching her work of seals. Many people would be surprised to see my Mom work like this, completely calm and focused with a smooth hand as she brushed symbols and characters onto the scroll. It was one of the few times when my Mom was completely calm, and the whole world in those moments just felt at peace.  
I found her seal work interesting to say the least. To think that each movement had a purpose, every precise stroke of the brush carried a meaning, and the final designs could morph the world as they pleased. It was incredible what could be done with some knowledge, ink, and creativity. I found them interesting, and so I wanted to learn them. Thankfully my parents always encouraged my curiosity. I lightly tugged on Mom’s hair in order to get her attention.  


“Mom, can you teach me?” I asked as I let go of her hair to point at the seals. She looked down at me, surprise lightly lacing her features for a moment .  


“You want to learn seal work?” She questioned with a cocked eyebrow. I simply nodded at her and she hummed for a moment in thought before smiling.  


“I don’t see why not. But first things first.” She said as she carefully moved aside what she was doing and pulled out a few scrap pieces of paper and another brush and set them up in front of me.  


“The first step to learning seals is calligraphy,” She explained, “So let's have you get a feel for the brush and able to make smooth lines before getting into actual seal work.”  


“What happens if the lines aren’t smooth?” I questioned, I had never seen one used that wasn’t correctly made.  


“Bad things.” Mom said with a slightly serious look and so I left that at that.  
She then took one of the pieces of paper and wrote out the kanjis that make up our names.  


“We’ll start with something easy and useful, writing your name.” She said as she finished writing and looked down at me to make sure I was paying attention. I nodded at her and carefully picked up the brush and dipped it into the ink. My first attempt was pretty horrible, blotchy and shaky. Like a little kid did it, with I was, but still I had never had a particularly hard time picking up a skill before. I huffed a bit and moved to try again before Mom stopped me and adjusted my grip on my brush.  


“You're pushing down too much Kami-chan,” she said, “your lines won’t be as blotchy if you keep your grip lighter and don’t push down against the page.”  
I allowed her to reposition my hand on my brush and tried to keep it in the new position as I tried to do it again. The results, while better than the first time still were pretty horrid. I frowned slightly.  


“This is harder than it looked.” I bemoaned to her as she chuckled and kissed the top of my head.  


“It takes some practice. But proper handwriting is really needed for good seal work. Otherwise-” She trailed off near the end and I decided to finish that thought up for her.  


“Bad things?”  
She blinked and chuckled before grinning at me.  


“Yeah, bad things. Now try again, this time move the brush with your whole arm, not just your wrist.”  
I nodded and we continued to work at it well into the evening when we stopped for dinner. The next few days were filled with learning how to write in perfect, neat lines and Mom refused to teach me any more until she was positive I had that down. She did however offer Sealing theory while I worked, since it's not like I’d be able to apply the theory into practice without her anyways. She wouldn’t of let me.  
Sealing, in theory, was rather simple.  


“The first step to sealing is preparation.” Mom explained as she stopped working on her own seals to watch me work on calligraphy. As slow going as the learning process was, I was clearly improving every day which as encouraging.  


“Think about the exploding tags that Dad sometimes uses,” She said to me, “ First you need to think of what time of explosion you want. The ones we use are for hurting people but theoretically you could make one like a firework. So first you choose what you want the seal to do, but then you have to figure out how that thing happens”  
I nodded as I continued to work, it was a simple concept.  


“Then once you have how it works you need to know how to make that happen through chakra.” She said, smiling as she finished what she was working on and setting it aside. I thought about that point for a moment.  


“Then couldn’t anything you do with a seal be done without one?” I asked  
Mom chuckled,  


“Yes. In theory anything that you could do with a seal you could do normally with chakra. The issue is normally you are held back by certain things like… Like in Iwagakure there is a clan of people who can make their chakra explode.”  


“Like exploding notes.” I said, lining up the new info in my mind- _(-Hands with mouths plunge into the clay, moulding it before sending more of those damn things out. Birds this time, last time spider that jumped and exploded on-)_ -She nodded  


“Exactly. Except you see only they can do that because only that group has the ability to mould their chakra that way.” She said, and something told me she was skimming details here but I let it go, assuming they were unimportant to the point.  


“So for the rest of us who need something to explode we have to use seals in order to get our chakra to do the same thing.” She finished before looking back at me, “Understand?”  
I thought on it for a moment before hesitantly replying,  


“It's like instructions for your chakra.” I summarized and Mom smiled brightly.  


“Exactly like that Kami-chan. Which is why working with seals is sometimes nicer then just doing everything normally. Not only that but for some things it’s safer to to work it out like seals, like with storage seals.”  
She paused at the end of that and silence filled the room. I looked over and saw Mom staring at me with a rather serious expression on her face and something unreadable behind her eyes,  


“Now Kami-chan, do you know what the most important rule of seal work is?” She asked me.  
I shook my head after a moment's thought, she hadn’t told me this yet.  


“Never, under any circumstances activate a seal if you don’t know what it does.” She told me, “It’s dangerous because a lot of seals, if you activate them wrong or in a certain way, can backfire and really hurt you. If you need to activate a seal, or to disrupt one, or even to get rid of one, you need to make sure you know what it does and how it does it beforehand. Understand?”  
I blinked slightly at the serious tone she was using.  


“Okay Mom, I promise.” I said, putting as much honesty into the statement as I could.  
It was easy promising something like this considering I didn’t know how to even do half of those things, or even have any reason to do them.  
Mom smiled softly at me and gave me a tight hug before pulling away and standing.  


“Alright then, just want you to stay safe. Now, how about we go get ramen for dinner?” She said helping me to my feet. I grimaced as I felt pins and needles in my legs from them falling asleep.  


“But we had ramen last night Mom!” I lightly protested.  
She made a mock gasp and faked looking hurt,  


“Kami-chan! Ramen is the best food in the whole world! Are you telling me you don’t like it anymore?”  
I giggled at this,  


“I never said that Mom, just no one likes ramen as much as you do.”  
Which was the truth and she knew it because she laughed as we went to put on our shoes and leave.

  
Kept busy from the crash course in seals I was getting the week passed by quickly and suddenly Itachi’s birthday was upon us. We had been invited this year on the account that Itachi and I were becoming ‘the best of friends’, as my Mom liked to say to Mikoto whenever we played together. Which wasn’t exactly a lie I suppose, though this might of been more due to the fact that the two of us didn’t seem to have many, if any, other friends besides each other. Still we got along well enough for a couple of children.  
I hadn’t really been prepared for the Uchiha’s birthday party however, as I’d only been to the birthdays my family had thrown for each other and those tended to be just the six of us. My parents, my practically-adoptive-siblings, and me. Itachi’s birthday however was bigger. A lot bigger, as in a large amount of the clan had seemed to be invited along to the party which made sense as most people in the clan knew each other and if you went back enough generations were probably related in some way, shape, or form.  
Still, it really made Mom and I stick out. Red and strawberry blonde among a sea of dark hair and eyes.  
I fidgeted next to Mom, gripping Itachi’s present a bit tighter in my hands because I could feel the eyes on me and it was more than a bit disconcerting. I felt my back straighten more than usual at we wove through the crowd towards Mikoto. She smiled when she saw us and politely ended the conversation with another woman before greeting us.  


“Kushina, Kami-chan. I’m glad to see you two could make it.” She said lightly, looking between us. Mom gave her usual bright grin.  


“Like we would miss little Itachi-chan’s birthday, right Kami-chan?”  
I nodded and shifted the present in my hands as Mom chuckled at my quiet response.  


“She’s not used to the crowds.” Mom quietly said, loud enough for me to hear though and I pouted at her.  


“Mom,” I whined a bit, “I’m fine.”  
Mikoto giggled behind a hand,  


“Im sure you have the situation under control Kami-chan.” She said lightly, clearly teasing me and I felt myself flush a bit at that. I pouted and offered up Itachi’s present.  


“Mikoto-san, where should I put Itachi-kun’s gift?” I asked, hoping to draw the topic away from my clear discomfort. To my relief it worked at Mikoto took the present from me.  


“I’ll take care of that Kami-chan. Now let’s see,” She said and looked around for a moment with a scrutinizing expression before smiling, “Ah there they are, the other kids are near the forest if you want to go play.”  
I nodded and relaxed slightly at the out that was presented.  


“Thank you Mikoto-san.” I chirped and smiled sweetly before quickly moving away through the crowds in the direction indicated.  
The Uchiha compound backed into one of the larger forests inside the village on the northern side. It was a good half mile thick on the thinnest parts before you hit the main wall going around the village, the forest however also went much farther to the east and west than it did smashed between the wall and the compound itself. Usually we weren't supposed to running around in the forest, mostly because enough wrong turns and you’d end up accidentally on the other side of town and would have to make your way back. But most kids once hitting a certain stage ignored that rule and ran around it to their hearts content. The adults tended to not be too strict on the rule either, which also helped, and so the forest was pretty well traveled at least between the compound and the wall. And that's where I found the group of children.  
Now the Uchiha clan was weird in the fact that usually it didn’t have very many kids at one time. In most parts of the village there seemed to be more kids born every few years then in between, it wasn’t that sporadic and everyone was used to the fact that some years there was a large influx of babies while others there were only a hundred or so births. The Uchiha clan didn’t follow this trend, instead they had very sporadic and random birth rates that didn’t seem to correlate to anything. This wasn’t really a problem or anything, however as far as I knew in the year that I was born there were very few Uchiha children born as well, Itachi being one of them. So this group of kids that were playing at the edge of the forest ranged in ages between three, myself and probably Itachi being the youngest of kids actively running about, and twelve, right before most of the kids graduated from the academy and became adults in the eyes of society.  
The main group looked to be playing a very intense game of ninja considering it was about fifteen kids big and some of them actually knew what they were doing. Itachi was sitting off to the side, occasionally looking over at them but mostly looking like he was doing his own thing. Glancing at the other kids and deciding it wasn’t even worth getting involved in their game, especially since it was already started, I headed over and sat next to Itachi. He looked over at me and smiled slightly.  


“Hello Kaminari-chan.” He said, his attention now split between me and the group  


“Hey Itachi-kun, happy birthday.” I greeted back before watching some twelve year old tackle another kid after he had gotten tripped a moment before.  


“How long have they all been doing this?” I questioned aloud and Itachi shifted next to me.  


“About an hour.” He replied simply and I wondered if he had been just sitting here watching them the entire time. He glanced over and seeing my face he explained further,  


“I played the first round before all the older kids showed up, then they didn’t want we to play anymore.”  
Ah, that made sense seeing how he had probably been the youngest kid here that wasn’t stuck being towed about by their parents still. But that still was pretty rude of them to do.  


“Considering you’re the birthday boy you’d think they would've found something to play with you.” I stated, glaring a bit at the group of kids now.  
Itachi just shrugged  


“I don’t really mind not playing with them,” He pointed out, “I’m okay with being by myself.”  
I looked over at him and pouted,  


“Are you suggesting that I leave you alone Itachi-kun?”  
Itachi blinked for a moment before getting a slight frown and managing the most mortified look I’d ever seen him make,  


“No, I’d never suggest that.”  
I continued to fake hurt until he squirmed a bit, looking guilty and I couldn’t stop the small giggle from leaving me followed by laughing.  


“I know, I know.” I said, trying to come down from the laughter, “Don’t worry, I know we’re friends.”  
Itachi was quiet for a moment before smiling slyly and mimicking in a surprisingly light tone, “The best of friends.”  
I stared at him, a bit slack jawed, because mocking my Mom was not something I had expected him to do. I snorted before cracking up in laughter.  
The best of friends indeed.

  
My own birthday was, as expected, a much smaller affair than Itachi’s had been. We had less people in the family, as stated before, and out of that small family over half of us were out fighting in the war. Furthermore the few of Dad’s friends that occasionally would stop by were also deployed and there for the party really only consisted of Mikoto, Mom, Itachi, and I. I really couldn’t complain about this, externally at least.  
Internally I bemoaned the lack of my full family being here. I missed them, it had been a little more than a month since we had seen or heard from them and the radio silence was really starting to get to me. I mean on one hand it was the start of a war, chances were that unnecessary messages weren't being sent and wouldn’t be sent until we found our footing in it. Currently the only messages being sent back to families waiting for their loved ones were the ones informing the family that said love ones met their fate on the field.  
Thinking of that I supposed it was probably a good thing we hadn’t heard anything yet. It meant that everyone was alive as far as anyone knew.  
Itachi and I sat side by side messing with my new calligraphy set that Mom had gotten for me. I was mostly doodling with it and occasionally practicing the few sealing symbols I knew while Itachi was attempting to learn calligraphy after I had shown him my own progress on the subject. He had only been working at it for a couple of hours and was already improving leaps and bounds.  
Watching him finish writing out his name I huffed slightly,  


“You are doing way better then I was doing when I first started.” I commented, not really upset about it.  
Itachi paused before looking over at me,  


“It’s a lot harder than it looks,” He admitted before staring at the brush in his hand and furrowing his brow as he regarded it, “I have to hold my breath every time I make a line to keep it even so I have to go really slow.”  


“That's the hardest part,” I agreed before grinning slightly, “just wait, if you end up trying to learn sealing though there are a ton of weird symbols you have to remember.”  
The step I was on, memorization of current sealing patterns and shapes. It was tedious to say the least.  
Itachi smiled slightly at that and the two of us quietly went back to work, only being interrupted a few minutes later by the sound of the front door opening.  


“I'm home!” A distinctly tired but familiar voice rang out as footsteps entered the room.  
I couldn’t help the grin that broke across my face and the jol of excitement that cause me to stand up and run over, slamming into the man with a hug.  


“Dad! You're home!” I exclaimed, not caring that I was pointing out the obvious because I was tearing up at that moment in excitement of seeing him. He smelled of dirt, sweat, and iron but in that moment none of that mattered because he was here, he was home.  
Dad let out a small laugh and dropped his bag to the side, scooping me up instead and pulling me into a tight hug.  


“Sorry I took so long,” He softly apologized and kissed the top of my head, “ I tried to come home as fast as I could, didn’t want to miss your birthday after all.”  
I giggled but it turned into an undignified noise as Mom suddenly crushed me between herself and Dad as she pulled us into a hug.  


“Finally! Not even a letter Minato? Really? You had us worried sick!” Mom dramatically complained jokingly for the most part as she glared at him, a smile still on her lips.  
Dad had the decency to look sheepish.  


“I’m sorry Kushina, it was a long month and no one was able to get anything sent back home. I tried, trust me.”  
Mom let go of us in order to put her hands on her hips and managed to stop smiling in favor of an angry pout.  


“We’ll then, next time you're going to have to try harder.”  
Dad smiled sweetly and kissed her forehead,  


“I promise I’ll try harder next time, so forgive me?”  
Mom managed to hold up the angry look for a few more moments before letting out a small laugh,  


“Fine. Not like I could stay mad at you anyways, you’re such a dork.”  
I ignored the flirting going on around me and instead pulled Dads hair lightly to get him attention.  


“Dad, did everyone else come home too?” I questioned, noticing the distinct lack of pseudo-siblings about.  
Dad looked at me, smiling.  


“Yeah we all came home,” He said, “Everyone else just went to go clean up before coming over.”  
I grinned at that and gave Dad another tight hug before squirming out of his arms with a mumbled, “Best birthday present ever.” Which caused Dad to chuckle and grin back as he helped me back onto the floor.  
It didn’t take long for Kaka-nii to show up after that, what with him practically living here half the time anyways. Rin-nee followed not long after looking tired but happy and Obi-nii managed to get in a half-hour after her claiming some story about having to get a cat out of a tree. Each of them received a hug from me and an even bigger one from Mom followed by Mom checking them all over exclaiming loudly over every bruise they managed to get on the field.  
It became quite a loud evening but I wouldn't of had it any other way.  
Dad sat in the back yard across from me. After a day of relaxing, mostly including laying around the house all day and simply acclimating back to being home, he told Mom and I that he’d only be staying a few weeks before being sent back out again. This back and forth for one month intervals would apparently be the new norm, at least until the war was won. Or unless it got horribly worse and every able bodied person was out fighting in a desperate attempt to survive. But that went unsaid, only the possibility of winning was mentioned, so I didn’t mention the chances of things just going sour. Either way, it was due to this new schedule and the war that Dad had also decided that now was a very good time to start my training in the ninja arts.  


Just in case, he said.  


We all ignored the weight hidden in that statement.  
And thus were outside, sitting cross-legged and starting my first lesson in chakra.  


“Now Kaminari in order to control your chakra you need to unlock it.” Dad said as we relaxed into a more meditative stance, “I want you to close your eyes and feel inside yourself for it.”  
I raised an eyebrow at that and he smiled sheepishly.  


“Trust me, most people don’t actually feel it until they start to purposely look for it.” He added, “When you feel it, you’ll know when. I can promise you that.”  
With a small shrug I closed my eyes, looking and feeling for anything that seemed out of place. I was a bit unsure by what he meant by, ‘When you feel it, you know it’, because it seems ridiculous that I would of not noticed my own chakra before. I already understood somewhat of how chakra felt because I simply always felt it. It was practically everywhere, and completely ignorable in most situations. But people’s chakra all felt different.  
Mom was like the sunlight, bright and energetic but with this deep kernel of sticky, red pressure inside of it.  
Dad’s chakra was also energetic but in a different way, more subdued, like a warm summer breeze.  
Kaka-nii’s was a storm, the buzz in the air before lighting hit, heavy and tense like it was ready to snap and go at any moment.  
Rin-nee’s was the opposite, a gentle flow that was like a river.  
Obi-nii’s was like an ember, sparks of fire occasionally bursting into flames.  
Itachi’s was like a candle, not much heat behind it but the potential was there, and it was ready to become something much more.  


Everyone's chakra felt different, even in the smallest of ways. That being said I had never really focused on how my own chakra felt. Probably because, since I was myself, I might of actually just been used to it. With this conclusion in mind I tried to sort it apart from the rest of me. After a few moments of silence I squirmed a bit.  


“Dad I don’t think it’s working.” I said with a small frown, opening my eyes to look at him.  
He looked in thought for a moment before looking back to me.  


“Okay close your eyes and focus again, I’m going to try something.”  


“Alright.” I said and closed my eyes, waiting for whatever it was that was supposed to happen as I fell back into the search.  
Suddenly I felt a soft ping of chakra,causing me to jump before I realized it was just a tiny bit of Dads hitting me, and suddenly I noticed it as it touched my system.  
I felt my chakra.  
A deep humming in my veins. It was almost indescribable, strange, like looking into the night sky on a cloudless night. Deep and full, lazily crackling through me with a quiet intensity. It felt weird, and yet oddly amazing.  


“Oh..” I said simply as I blinked my eyes open and looked down at my hands for a moment, almost half expecting this sudden new feeling to be physically seen in some way before looking back up at Dad. I must of had one strange expression on my face because he chuckled at my response.  


“Yeah, it’s usually a bit of a surprise when you first unlock it, but don’t worry you should be able to get used to it.” He said before giving a soft smile, “Are you feeling okay?”  
I flexed my fingers a bit as the humming in them continued.  


“I’m okay.” I said and tried to push the feeling to the back of my mind, returning his smile, “I was just wasn’t expecting that.”  


“Even when they get told to expect something no one ever actually does.” Dad said, smile widening as he moved and grabbed the stack of paper next to him.  


“But now that you have that done you can start learning how to manipulate your chakra.” He said happily as he set the stack of paper between us. He then put his hand flat against the stack and lifted it, a sheet coming back up with his hand, stuck firmly to it. He shook it a bit to show that it was infact stuck causing me to giggle and him to grin at me.  


“This is the most basic chakra control exercise. All you need to do is focus your chakra into your hand when you press it up against something and it should stick. Paper is a good place to start since it's smooth.” He explained, demonstrating for me slowly this time with his other hand as I watched.  


“If you use too much chakra you'll shoot the paper off your hand, like this.” He smiled brightly as the paper shot off his hand and I caught it with a grin.  


“And if you use too little it just slide off like you aren’t using any chakra at all.” He demonstrated this with the other hand, letting it fall gently to the ground from his hand.  


“Any questions?” Dad asked as he straightened out the paper pile and looked at me. I went over the steps in my head for a moment before shaking my head and smiling.  


“No Dad, I think I understand it” I confirmed and he ruffled my hair.  


“Alright then, let's see if you can do it.”  
I nodded and set down the piece of paper I caught before lightly put my hand on top of the paper pile, trying to focus my chakra into it. It was harder than I was expecting, the humming energy not really wanting to move much. After a moment that surely seemed longer then it was I felt it reach my hand and I pushed it through. The trick was really trying to get it out in consistent amount, and then having it stay there.  
I lifted up my hand, the paper hanging on for a moment before starting to fall off, I quickly increased the amount of chakra to my hand, only managing to over correct it and causing the paper to shoot off my hand and flutter gently to the ground. Dad chuckled and I shot him a small glare and pout.  


“It’s not funny Dad.” I huffed before looking back down at the stack of paper as if it offended me.  


“I’m sorry,” He apologized lightly and I rolled my eyes because he clearly wasn’t, “Don’t worry though, it’s going to take a few tries to get it. It’s not supposed to be easy the first time.”  


“I’m good at most things the first time.” I stated before setting my hand back onto the paper stack and moving my chakra into my palm again. It certainly did go easier this time, but I wouldn’t admit that. Slowly lifting my palm up the paper stuck firmly for a few moments before starting to slip again. I forced more chakra into my palm, trying to find the perfect point where it would stop but not fly off my hand. I didn’t, and the paper fell to the ground as I didn’t manage to exert enough chakra as fast as needed.  
I quickly put my hand back onto the pile and tried again.  
Another piece shot off my hand.  
The next stuck for a solid fifteen seconds before my control slipped and it fell away.  
An hour passed by like this with various failures and no successes.  
I glared down when my hand smacked the ground instead of more paper, realizing that I had somehow managed to get through the whole original stack. Dad had all the pieces I went through in his hands, and shot me a small smile.  


“You should take a break, otherwise you could accidentally exhaust yourself.” He said softly and I sighed. I could feel a nagging soreness in my body but I didn’t want to stop. I liked to learn, I liked to impress my parents and make them proud. I didn’t like not being able to do something that I knew I could do if only I tried hard enough. But at the same time, I knew Dad was right. I would only hold myself back if I worked too hard. Didn’t stop me from wanting to do it anyways.  


“Can I try again in an hour?” I asked hopefully, looking up at him. He thought for a minute before smiling.  


“You can try again after lunch for a little bit, but you’re young so you can’t do this too much.” He said.  


“Okay…” I conceded and stood up after him before taking one of his hands and heading inside, promising myself that I would be able to do this by time Dad had to leave again.

  
A week later and I hadn’t made enough progress for my taste. I could easily stick to the paper now, but the issue was keeping it on my hand for anything longer than a handful of seconds. Both Mom and Dad were proud at me being able to perform the simple task but I wasn’t happy yet. I wanted to be able to do this right.  
Lucky for me I had time to practice today.  
Kind of.  
There was a catch to it. Theoretically I had already practiced for the day, showing slow progress like usual and I wasn’t allowed to do anymore per Dad’s say so. However Mom and Dad had left today, something about a lunch date, and so I was left with a babysitter. Usually babysitting duty fell onto Kaka-nii’s shoulders due to the fact that he was almost always around anyways. Today though since the lunch date had been a spur of the moment thing and since Kaka-nii wasn’t directly around it fell to whoever my parents could convince to watch me for an hour or two.  
Rin-nee was working away at the hospital during her time back.  
Kaka-nii was off gallivanting about somewhere.  
Obi-nii though, he hadn’t been doing anything particularly important and had been close at hand.  
And it was due to this that my plan was going to be able to work.  
See Obi-nii was perfect for this because of a few things. First off he was always willing to play along with whatever I wanted to do. Rin-nee always tried to keep things to calm activities like reading or helping me with my calligraphy, and Kaka-nii liked to do whatever I want as well but wouldn’t let me get away with things, he watched me too much for me to get into trouble.  
Obi-nii would let me do what I want, and as long as I didn’t obviously put myself in trouble he probably wouldn’t notice me doing things that I wasn’t supposed to be doing.  
And so as soon as my parents left I grabbed bi-nii’s pant leg and gave him my sweetest smile I could muster.  


“Obi-nii,” I said in almost a sing-song tone, “I wanna play hide-and-go-seek!”  
He smiled brightly at me  


“Alright Kami-chan, inside or outside?” He asked back.  


“Outside.” I said and started tugging him towards the door, him following with a small grin.  


“Sheesh you’re excited. So do you want me to look for you first?”  
I nodded and walked outside, bouncing on my feet slightly as Obi-nii shut the door behind us.  


“Okay start counting Obi-nii!” I demanded with childlike impatience which got be an eyeroll as Obi-nii covered his eyes and started counting out loud.  


“One… Two.. Three..” He slowly went through the numbers as I scrambled away to enact my idea. Getting to the base of one to the trees in our yard with lower hanging branches, I jumped up and grabbed one before struggling to pull myself up onto it. Ignoring the burning in my limbs from all the chakra training earlier I quickly climbed up the tree as far as I could make it while still being surrounded by the leaves, the thick upper branches creaking under my weight a bit as I got higher. The one I ended up settling on making an almost ominous sounding noise as I say on it, but at that moment I really could care less. This was the only way to get away with doing this after all, if Obi-nii saw me I’d probably get scolded that then he’d watch me more carefully after that. Smiling to myself at a job well done I got to work. I plucked a leaf from the tree and started trying to make it stick to my hand.  
It wasn’t paper so it was a bit harder to work with because leaves just aren't smooth. Still the grooves in it were small and it was close enough for what I was doing.  
I heard Obi-nii finish counting and start to look for me, but I had guessed that he’d probably check around closer to the ground first. Not even because he would think I was down there but more because I was a child and he usually let me at least look like I was good at these games, so even if he knew I was up here he’d give me a bit and act like it was harder to find me then it actually was. Which gave me plenty of time to get a bit more practice in.  
I’ll admit, I felt a bit smug that I could sneak more practice time in like this.  
I let out a small yawn as I worked, carefully controlling my chakra and making the leaf stick for longer, and longer a period of time. I was at close to a minute when I shifted my weight and the branch I was on made another noise. Not the same one as last time though.  


It cracked.  


Then it broke.  


And suddenly I was falling through the tree towards the ground with a loud, surprised shriek. In my life there had been very few to no moments that I could actually regret, but that moment was slapped onto the small list of those times within a half a second of me falling.  
I screamed as I fell, mostly in shock from the suddenness of it all and flailed my arms, trying to grab onto anything I could touch. My hands managed to slam into a branch with a loud smacking noise but the force from the fall was still strong enough to immediately cause my grip to falter. It was in that moment I didn’t think, I just acted. I slammed most of what was left of my chakra into my hands and tried to stay attached for my dear life, my heartbeat pounding in my ears and I shut my eyes tightly, scared to see what would happen next. My screaming stopped after a moment and nothing happened. I noise beneath me followed by a voice.  


“Holy Shit! Kaminari- just uh hold on I’ll get you-” What sounded like Obi-nii came from below me and I blinked open my eyes to look down. He was staring up at me, maybe six feet beneath the bottom of my feet and was pale and wide eyed as, I assumed at least, he tried to figure out how to safely get me down. My brain was working sluggishly at the moment and I looked up to see my hands firmly stuck against the side of a thick branch. I stared at it for a moment before I realized what I had done.  


“Obi-nii! Obi-nii look I-” I didn’t get to finish my response because at that moment it was like a timer went off in my head and my tiredness slammed into me. Adrenalin had stopped me from feeling it at the moment of me falling, but now actually seeing and feeling my chakra stick me to the branch it hit me like a brick. And I suddenly couldn’t even try to keep it up. So the flow of chakra to my hands sputtered to a stop and I fell. Again.  
I let out another surprised yell at this but didn’t hit the ground. Obi-nii managed to catch me before that and He stared at me, pale and wide eyed. I blinked at him before slowly looking between him and my hands before my gaze landed on him and I gave him a nervous smile.  


“I did it.” I said, my voice rough from the shock of everything that just happened.  
Obi-nii stared at me for a solid moment and I was about to ask him if we was okay before his eyes suddenly got wet and he glared at me.  


“I can’t believe you just did that!” His voice cracked a bit as he yelled at me. I winced at the sudden anger.  


“You just- What if you had gotten hurt?” He continued, swallowing down something as I stared at him quietly. “What the hell were you thinking Kaminari?!”  
I swallowed and felt something thick lodge itself in my throat as I looked away from his upset expression.  


“I… I just wanted to practice more.” I meekly stated and Obito let out a noise in the back of his throat that sounded somewhere between a groan, a sigh, and something not even describable.  


“Damn it Kaminari- just… You can’t just go and do that! It’s dangerous and you scared the shit out of me!” He said while gently setting me down and swiping at his eyes.  
I frowned, trying to remember the last time I got in any serious trouble.  


“I’m sorry Obi-nii…” I quietly said, trying to put as much conviction into my voice as possible because I was sorry. I didn’t mean to almost get hurt, and I certainly didn’t mean to scare him so bad.  


“You should be,” He said in a slightly strangled tone as he sighed and looked down at me, “just don’t do it again. Okay?”  


“I promise.” I said honestly and he let out another deep sigh, clearly trying to calm down.  


“Okay… Good…” He said and we fell into an awkward silence for a moment before he looked at the door.  


“How about we go inside and read a book or something?” He offered.  
I just nodded and let him steer me towards the door. Guilt preventing me from objecting at all.

Mom and Dad were less than pleased when they found out. That was putting it lightly. I both got the same lecture from both of them that I had gotten from Obi-nii, just with less tearing up and more anger which, I would admit, was well due. It had been a stupid idea. It had been a horrible, stupid idea. And I had admitted that within seconds of the lecture starting. Along with close to fifteen promises that I wouldn’t do it again.  
Dad Sighed as they finished up the lecture, looking worn out from the entire situation. Guilt ate away at my insides.  


“Kaminari,” He said softly, “I think after this we’ll be putting more training on hold for awhile.”  
I wanted to protest. I had just figured out hot to do it and I was ready to actually show it off in a setting where I wouldn’t get hurt otherwise. But after what I had just done, I knew that wasn’t going to be happening for at least a few days, until Dad left if I was unlucky and he was mad enough. I couldn’t argue.  


“Okay Dad…. I understand..” I shakily said, swallowing down the tears that wanted to come up.  
He nodded and let out a deep sigh before relaxing and after a moment he and Mom pulled me into a tight hug.  


“We just want you to be safe Kami-chan.” Mom said softly into the top of my head as I hugged them both tightly back and nodded my head in understanding. I had messed up, and I had scared three people I cared about. That was three people too many, and I told myself that it wouldn’t happen again.  
I’d make sure of it.

 

The next weeks until Dad’s departure were a crawl. After getting in trouble my lessons stopped as promised, and it wasn’t just chakra training either, all my normal lessons stopped. Time that had been spent doing the chakra exercises and learning sealwork suddenly was changed to time spent at the park or helping my parents do chores around the house. Neither of these things were exactly punishments really, I did these things on a normal basis anyways and doing them more often wouldn’t normally be a bad thing.  
But it was the sudden lack of mental stimulation that started to grate on me. It was like my mind craved knowledge, something that was outside my current abilities to work on and improve. I had been so focused on getting better at things that suddenly doing nothing to train myself in some way, shape, or form was torture in its own special little way.  
However as the week droned on nothing changed, and by the end of the month when Dad left again to go fight I was still being firmly punished for my actions. And things stayed that way. The rest of the year continued in a haze of mostly boredom with only slight perks here and there. Realizing that I could try to push myself to beat other kids in races around the park, that was fun until I could do it. Trying to get my calligraphy just right, time-consuming at worst but eventually I was able to do it. Soon I found myself grasping at straws for new things to learn and do. Getting Mom to teach me how to cook, wrestling with Itachi and other kids because why not, all of it just for the fact that it was better to do anything instead of laying around and waiting for the days to end.  


Nothing though could replace the utter thrill of learning something that felt just outside my reach though. Something that actually took time and understanding instead of just drilling myself until I learned it. And so life became boring.  
Until it stopped being boring in a way that nobody particularly wanted it to.  
The war, while hanging over the village like a dark oppressive cloud, was pretty far off in most people's minds, at least so it seemed. We we’re pretty deep inside the Fire Country after all, which meant that we had lots of miles of active ninja standing between us and anyone that might want to cause problems here. Considering that, from what I had picked up in the letters we occasionally got from Dad, things were going okay on the war front and so it wasn’t really a thought that the war would ever really reach the walls.  
Besides it’s very human to just assume that bad things happen to other people, somewhere out there, and not to you or the ones you loved. When you haven’t lost people yet, it's a very easy lie to tell youself.  


And so, because the universe is cruel, the war came to our doorstep on a Tuesday afternoon in late December.  


On my end it wasn’t as terrifying as it could've been. I was helping mom deshell shrimp for dinner when off in the distance there was a single cracking noise off in the distance. Mom paused and looked up before her brow furrowed as the singular noise became two. Then three. After that the counting was lost on me as the number just increased from there and Mom went rigid before rushing to the window and looking out it, her eyes growing wide.  
I stared at her for a moment before leaning to try to see out of it too, wondering what that was all about. Smoke was starting to fill the sky, far off, far enough to be the otherside of town. My mind first jumped to the obvious there was a fire. Simple. But then I realized what those noises actually were.  
Explosions. Things were exploding on the other side of town.  
Other people must of realized what was going on because the people that were in the street who had stopped to gawk at the sight suddenly paled.  


“Mom..?” I started to form a question without really even knowing what to say. What do you even say?  
She snapped out of whatever she was thinking and looked over at me, face settling into that oddly serious expression she normally never wore.  


“Kaminari,” She said, the use of my full name getting my immediate attention because that meant things were bad. I couldn’t be getting in any trouble so something must be seriously wrong.  


“I want you to go to my room and lock the door and stay in there until I come back.”  
I glanced between her and the window before slowly nodding, ignoring the nerves forming in my gut.  


“O..Okay Mom” I verbally replied before moving to give her a quick hug and then heading upstairs to my parents room. I heard my Mom quickly leave behind me and suddenly I was alone. I locked the door like I said I would once I got inside the room and I immediately moved to one of the windows to try and see what was going on.  
Of course it was far enough away that I could only see smoke and licks of fire near the wall of the village, but close enough to probably be well inside. I tried to make a mental map to figure out where exactly that was and what was in that section but found myself coming up with a hazy idea.  
Stores, maybe some houses too, but maybe not. Not like I would find out until Mom got home.  
I sighed and went to lay on my parents bed, accepting the fact that I just had to wait until she got back.And so I spent the next few hours dozing off to the sound of explosions on the other end of the village.  
Mom eventually came back looking tired and covered in soot and ash. I hugged her anyways and she hugged me tightly back. We ended up just having some leftovers for dinner and I ended up sleeping with her that night. And that was that.

 

  
With the West end of the village in shambles. Apparently Iwagakure ninja managed slip through a grate in the western wall where the forest reaches its edge and started destroying everything they could find as soon as they hit civilization. The main area that was hit was a large residential section and a shopping district, both of which were, thankfully, populated heavily by shinobi rather than civilians so while there were a high number of casualties the attack was fairly well contained in that area. However it did manage to bleed out into a section of the Uchiha district, or so explained Mikoto as she sat across from Mom at our kitchen table, nursing a cup of tea in her hands with a frown.  
Mom nodded with a frown in understanding and gently reached across and put her hand on Mikotos.  


“I can come help with the recovery if you want” she softly offered and Mikoto shook her head.  


“It's alright Kushina. I just wanted to let you know I was okay and I was wondering if you could look after Itachi while we clear out most the rubble.” She said and allowed a small smile.  
Kushina sighed and nodded,  


“Of course I will, kids shouldn't have to see that.”  
Judging by the look on Itachi’s face, I hazard to guess that he had in fact seen it already. And if Moms expression and curt nod were anything to go by she noticed too. I frowned slightly and shifted in my seat as the table lapsed into silence, a dark mood hanging in the air.  
Mikoto finished her tea then and sighed before getting up, giving Itachi a short tight hug and whispering something in his ear before moving to leave, Mom following her to the door to say good bye. Itachi stared at the floor silently in front of me, and after a moment of no acknowledgement I walked over and tugged on his sleeve.  


“Hey,” I softly said, trying to get his attention, “let's go get the ink and draw or something.”  
Itachi gave a small shrug and I took that as enough of a yes to lightly tug him along to get the ink, paper and brushes out. I quietly set up everything in the living room and the only sound that broke the silence between us while we started was the sounds of our brushed on paper. I didn't want to press Itachi about what he had seen, I wasn't sure if he'd even say what he saw. So I waited for him to bring it up, and after what seemed like hours his soft voice finally spoke up across from me.  


“Kaminari-chan…… What's the meaning of it?” His voice quieter than usual as he spoke, not looking up from his paper. Finishing the stroke I was making I looked up at him.  


“It?”  


“What's the meaning of life?” He explained, still not looking at me, continuing on when I didn’t immediately answer, “All people do is just… They kill each other and for what? It's… I don't understand it…”  
_(Dead eyes stared back at me as the life seeped out- what's the point- metal in my hands as the bodies dropped one after another- a barrel in my face and the twitching fingers that promised to end it- nothing- nothing- nothing-_  
_No. No there's more. Clarity and warmth clouded and there were arms around me and- soft voices- comfort in the movement of bodies- in the way the world turned- in the wind during the day- everything- everything- everything-)_  
The silence between us was deafening as I allowed myself to be pulled into my thoughts for a moment before slowly speaking my conclusion.  


“I don't think… There is a point…” I said, because the world was cruel and cold and it doesn't care. There was nothing.  
Itachi looked up at me, unreadable expression and I spoke again before he could respond.  


“But why does there need to be one?” I asked, letting the faint buzz of thoughts and visions not my own run through me, “I think that… What's important is that.. We try to just be the best people we can be.”  
Itachi stares at me and in that moment he looked so young in my eyes. He was a child and I felt like a million years had passed in a moment.  


“But if there's no point why does it matter?” Itachi quietly asked and something in me wanted to scream. He was a child. Children shouldn't have to think about this.  
“It doesn't. But whether or not there's a reason- simply making the world a better place is good right?” I pointed out because it made sense to me, “We live here, the people we care about live here. Isn't that enough of a reason to try to protect it and make things better?”  
Silence filled the room between us as Itachi looked away to think. After a long pause he slowly responded.  


“I… Yes… It is..”  
I smiled slightly at him before patting his arm lightly and got a small smile back for my trouble. So I counted it as a win in my book and tried to ignore the fact that his eyes still held the deadened look in them still. There are some things after all that you can't just fix, and so I left it at that.

 

After that Mom picked up training me again regularly. I bit back any questions on why the sudden change of heart, mostly because I had a feeling it's because she was afraid that I'd be defenseless if more enemies got into the village.  
Sealwork was usually overlooked however with regular physical training sessions, mostly having to do with me running laps and Mom making me learn how to properly dodge.  
I asked why she didn't just teach me how to fight and she grinned slightly at me.  


“Kami-chan, do you know what the best defense you can have on the battlefield is?” She asked back and her grin grew coy when I shook my head at her, “its to just not be there. So by extension the best thing you can do is just not be hit. As soon as you are, it could all be over, dattebane”  
This advice made sense.  
If you can’t get hit in the first place, then you won't be hurt or injured or killed. And if you were fast enough to not get hit, you'd probably be fast enough to strike back against someone. Speed was the key, even in other situations. Typically fights lasted only a short period of time, if you could hit before anyone even noticed you're there, that's the greatest advantage, and it's more likely to be when you're fast then when you're slow.  
So I took her words to heart and threw myself into the physical training she provided.  


After a few weeks of struggling I slowly found myself enjoying the physicality of the work. Sealwork was interesting, sure, but it was tedious and meticulous. The theory was interesting but looking at the longer seals Mom or Dad had made just made me feel antsy about sitting around and doing that.  
Chakra was also interesting, the way it moved and flowed around inside people and objects. Feeling it was wondrous, and molding it even more so. Still, at least at the stage I was at, it wasn't tangible. Sure I could stick to things now, and later I would be able to maybe shoot fireballs like Obi-nii or slash with the wind like Dad knew how to do but until then it was just in the background. It was forgettable if I wasn't paying direct attention to it.  
Physical conditioning however, I could feel the results. I could see them and have physical measures of my improvement. I felt the burn in my legs and arms from the work, and everyday I could sprint further, I could move faster. It was tangible and I flourished under learning something so easy to see. It felt right, it felt natural.  
And best of all Mom was ecstatic about my apparent aptitude and love of the physical work. One of the great joys in my life soon became the look of pride she'd get on her face whenever I showed improvement. Id never forget it.  


The end of December also brought home Dad and everyone. Thankfully since he was a jounin instructor and some of his students were still operating as a genin cell they were allowed their home leave from the front lines during the holidays. Most people had to fight through them,  
War doesn't stop for such trivial things. Either way though I counted my blessings that they were home and safe again, if only for awhile.  
Dad slept a lot those first few days and everyone hung around the house a lot more. They Were weary and tired eyed, so everything was calm as the days slowly slipped peacefully by and we neared the new year.  


Dad started training me again in chakra and happily helping my physical conditioning. On the latter part he even managed to rope my sort-of-siblings into it. Kaka-nii never really seemed to enjoy participating, but Rin-nee and Obi-nii were more fun to work with anyways since they'd actually occasionally let me win despite being faster than me.  
Everything was right with the world and as the year ended I couldn't help but feel a bit melancholy about the knowledge that soon it'd have to stop again. So it was on new years, sitting on Dads shoulders watching the fireworks, that I found myself praying to all the gods that could be out there that these days would be able to stay this way forever.  
_-Voices grasping at the edges of my brain- wishing- hoping- freedomdeathlifeanythingnotthis. Not. This. Anything but this anymore-_  
Something told me the gods weren't listening that day.

Itachi and I layed on on the grass in his backyard after running around for the past couple hours. He started physical training too so it only seemed right for the two of us to work on it together whenever we saw each other. And thankfully with the cooler January air the two of us could go on for quite some time without getting gross and sweaty.  
Well I didn't mind getting gross and sweaty. Itachi didn't really find the appeal in it, not that he complained but as soon as a bead of sweat rolled down his face he decided a break was in order.  
He had been a lot more quiet in the past months after the west side of the village got blown up. I tried not to be bothered by it, I mean it must of been terrifying and he was clearly freaked out by it after, but still I worried.  
I snapped back into the world when I realize that I hadn't been paying attention when he started talking.  


“Sorry, what?” I said sheepishly, turning my head to look at him and was only met with a blank look followed by an eyeroll as he looked back up at the sky.  


“My Mom's pregnant.” He quietly resaid and I paused, searching his face on whether or not he was happy about this. I got nothing except  
_-Black spiky hair and dark eyes- waiting for big brother to come home-_ teasing but loving in a way only families know _\- bloodpainbodieseverywherewhywhywhywhy-_  
I forced that into the back of my head and compartmentalized it like all the other tomes that happened. I dully noted that those were becoming more frequent again but focused on responding instead of contemplating that.  


“Thats.. Nice?” I asked more then said, and after a moment of silence continued, “Are you excited to be a big brother or…?”  
I trailed off as Itachi got a small, soft smile on his face.  


“Im.. I'm really excited.” He shifted a bit as he said this, looking happier than he'd been in months, “It's kind of… Scary…. But I'm excited.”  
I couldn't help a small grin come onto my face at this and lightly bumped him with my arm.  


“Scary huh? Worried you're gonna be a bad big brother?”  
Itachi quietly nodded and I smiled  


“Im sure you'll do a good job. They're going to be lucky to have you.” I reassured and Itachi looked at me again this time with a small smile.  


“Thanks Kaminari-chan.”  
I shrugged before sitting up and stretching,  


“No problem. Now how about we do a round two?”  
Itachi's smile fell off his face and I laughed at the glare he leveled at me.

Dad was braiding my hair before I went to sleep while Mom read to me. Oddly enough Dad was better at doing my hair then mom was, something she pouted about occasionally and liked to tease him about. I leaned back against him as he finished and he lightly hugged me as Mom finished tonight's story.  


“Hey Mom?” I asked as she put aside the book she had finished, “Did you know Mikoto-san is pregnant?”  
Mom raised an eyebrow before smiling  


“I did know. Did Itachi-chan tell you?”  
I nodded and was quiet for a moment before looking up between Mom and Dad.  


“Will I get a little brother or sister too?” I asked curiously, because something nagged in the back of my head  
_-blonde with bright blue eyes- moms grin and the same bright sunshine feel-_  
Yes. That one. A little blip I got after my day with Itachi that had for some reason refused to go back into the mental box I kept all the other weird intrusive thoughts in. It felt important. Really important.  
Mom gaped at me in response, wide eyed and I could feel Dad stiffen behind me. It was silent before I felt dad shaking followed by quiet bit back laughter and Mom glared at him, any heat in that was lost however by her face flushing as red as her hair.  


“Don't laugh at that! Minato!” She scolded, though it sounded more like a plea then anything and Dad laughed harder.  


“Aw but Kushina! She just wants a little brother!” He managed to get out between his laughs  


“Or a little sister. I'm not picky.” I smiled sweetly at Mom as I stated this and Dad laughed even harder.  
I didn't think Mom could blush any harder but she quickly proved me wrong by turning an almost beet red color. She quickly stood and headed to the door.  


“Thats enough for tonight! Goodnight!” She managed to get out before leaving. I burst into giggles as soon as she closed the door behind her and Dad was still chuckling against my back.  


“So was that a yes or a no?” I asked Dad, looking at him over my shoulder.  


“I think that was a maybe…” He said back, a slight grin on his face as he kissed my forehead and moved out from behind me, “Until then get some rest.”  


“Fine... You're leaving tomorrow again right?” I asked, shifting a bit and staring up at him. Dads smile faltered and he let out an inaudible sigh.  


“Yes.” He paused for a moment before continuing,” I hope it won't be for as long as this last time though.” He forced a bit of a smile at that.  
I nodded and layed down.  


“It's okay Dad. Just come home safe.”  
That got a chuckle out of him and he smiles softly at me.  


“I’ll make sure of it. Now get some sleep.”  


“Alright, night Dad, I love you”  


“I love you too Kaminari, have sweet dreams.”  
He kissed my head again before leaving and I cuddled down into my bed. Intent on getting some sleep.

I didn't get any.  
Flashes of moments, nightmares plagued me all night.  
_-Explosions lighting up the inside of rock and stone- the sound of steel clashing against steel- the yells of pain the gash of an eye- time running too short too fast- crushing weight laying over on the body and the creaking of what had been bones-pain-so much pain of all types-_  
It ate at me all night. They swam in my head until the sun began to rise and I quickly slipped out of my bed and walked to the front room where I found Mom and Dad talking quietly near the door.  
They pauses and looked over when they heard the creaking floorboards under me.  


“Kami-chan, what are you doing up?” Mom asked, somewhat worried as I walked over.  


“I couldn't sleep… I.. I had a bad dream.” I explained as I got close enough to clutch at Dads haori.  
Dad frowned and put his hand on my head, softly stroking my hair.  


“Do you want to talk about it?”  
Yes. I did. I wanted to tell them. I wanted to explain the things I’ve been seeing and how they are becoming unignorable and how they could be so, so horrible. I wanted to say something, anything.  
I shook my head and held onto his jacket tighter.  


“Can… I want to see you and.. And everyone off.. Please” I struggled through the words, my brain muddled and heavy.  
Mom smiled softly “Of course you can. Let's go get you dressed real quick okay?” She offered, moving to take my hand and softly tugging me towards my room again. I unhappily let go of Dad and let her lead me to my room and get me dressed. Within minutes we were back down the stairs and out onto the streets, me holding both Mom and Dad's hands and unwilling to let go until I absolutely had to.  
And I did have to. At the gate I only let their hands slip out of mine to quietly move over to my siblings and pulling them into a tight hug.  


“Kami-chan what are you doing here?” Rin-nee asked, hugging me tightly back. I didn't answer, only pulling all them closer as much as I could, as if having them alive and breathing in front of my would settle the deep cold fear in my gut.  


“She had a nightmare so she wanted to see everyone before we left” Dad explained behind me and I felt Obi-nii shift a bit in my grasp to also hug me.  


“Aw Kami-chan are you worried about us?” He asked in a teasing tone. It didn't help, this wasn't helping. If anything having them here in front of me was just setting off more warning bells yelling at me to make them stay. Make them stay.  
As if I had a choice or even a say in the matter.  
I just nodded and Obi-nii fell quiet for a moment before oddly enough I felt a hand on my head and I looked up to see it attached to Kaka-nii.  


“We’ll be back.” He stated as if it was a fact. As if he believed it in every fiber of his being.  
Rin-nee smiled at Kaka-nii for a moment before looking at me and it softened.  


“Yeah, we’ll be home again soon and then you’ll have to show us all the cool new stuff you learned right?”  
I swallowed and I felt wetness fill my eyes because it just felt wrong. It didn't feel okay despite their words.  


“O..okay.” I managed to croak out before burying my head between them for another second before pulling away.  


“No,no, no. Stop crying. We’re coming back and it's going to be fine- you don't need to cry.” Obi-nii stammered a bit, trying to make me feel better with a concerned look and I nodded.  


“Sorry- I know. I… Just… You all better come home safe!” I managed to get out, biting my lip to try to hold back more tears.  
Obi-nii smiled at me  


“We promise to come back safe.”  


“Well you do at least.” Kaka-nii quipped back and Obi-nii glared at him causing Rin-nee to sigh and roll her eyes. Dad chuckles and stepped forward, scooping me up into a tight hug before setting me down.  


“And now I think we should leave before we all just end up bickering at the gates.” He said, shooting a light glare at his students and then smiling at me.  


“We’ll be home before you know it. So you need to stay safe too. And keep your Mother out of trouble right?” He lightly joked and I let out a noise that was somewhere between a sad mix of a giggle and me holding back from crying more.  


“Minato…” Mom said exasperatedly, crossing her arms but smiling all the same.  
Dad grinned at her before stepping out if the gate, the other three following him. And a moment later they were gone.  
Mom and I stood there quietly for a moment before she walked over and picked me up.  


“So do you want to go back to sleep or maybe go out for breakfast?” She gently asked me, holding me on her hip.  
I leaned my head again her shoulder quietly.  


“Ramen?” I offered after a minute and I felt Mom smile.  


“Sounds good to me.” She said as we headed off into the early day.  


Not knowing what was to come. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reposted from FF.net, the three chapters before I stopped working on this monster. I keep telling myself to pick it back up but I'm like right before a big plot twist and I remember just suddenly shifting ideas and focus on where to go then losing interest. I have another story Im working on in the works but my attention is a fickle thing.
> 
> Also fun game: See if you can tell how I never could figure out how I liked to format this damn thing. 
> 
> I promise I will post the other chapters before the end of the year.


	3. The Last Straw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes all it takes is a few instances of being powerless for someone to decide that they refuse that fate.

We heard very little for a month. Most of that was spent with Itachi who had started learning his family taijutsu seriously as of late. He was supposed to join the academy this coming August, and considering his skill level I didn't doubt that he’d be able to get in. And therefore I had made it my own personal goal to keep up with him, best friends had to stick together and all that.

Asking Mom if I could join the academy too was the easy part, every ninja family after all just kind of expects their kid to follow in their footsteps of bloody footsteps. It came with the territory. The training itself however quickly ramped up in difficulty.

Laps around the yard turned into jogs around the neighborhood that kept expanding further and further from home. Chakra training slowly shifted from control exercises to other applications. Mostly it was still just learning to flood my body with chakra to reduce pain after runs or learning to put a little extra chakra into my legs or fists to be able to run faster, or be less likely to break my hand when punching.

It was all useful, perhaps not now but I knew from what Mom told me it would be in the future. And I held her to that.

On the other plus side the training helped keep at bay the nightmares of explosions and rocks that haunted my sleep. It was hard to just not pass out after a hard day of training, and that made it more bearable.

Things changed though just a week into February.

Mom had been feeling a bit under the weather all morning but insisted we go for our morning jog anyways. I didn't complain or protest, and so we left. Within an hour we has slowed to less than half our normal pace and Mom eventually had to stop to go upchuck in some bushes on the side of the path we were on.

She came back haggard and lightly said that we we’re going to cut training short for the day.

The next few days involved on-and-off sicknesses that would usually only last a few minutes but would sometimes hang onto her for what felt like hours. Eventually we just went to the doctor to try to find the cause.

“Im pregnant?” Mom asked, wide eyed and clearly shocked as she sat in front of the smiling doctor.

“Yes, I'm surprised you hadn't noticed considering you're a couple months along.”

Mom touched her belly absentmindedly and looked slightly embarrassed.

“I guess I was just too busy to notice” she excused and the doctor just smiled before handing Mom a bottle of pills.

“Well you better take notice now, not like you didn't know that.” They said as they winked at me and I held onto Moms dress a bit tighter.

“These are your prenatal vitamins, I'd suggest taking them before bed so you won't have to worry about getting nauseous after”

Mom nodded and took them and after a few forms were filled out and an appointment was set up for another few weeks Mom and I had left the hospital.

As we walked hand in hand I looked up at Mom.

“I was joking when I said I wanted a little sibling Mom.” I stated

Mom chuckles for a moment, looking oddly happy since leaving the hospital,

“Well would it still be okay if you had one? Because I think it'd be nice.” She said, parting her stomach for a moment before smiling softly at me,

“Besides, you'll make a great big sister.”

_-Brown eyes, blue eyes, stare up at me with toothy grins like sunlight- crying coming home from school because of bullies and ice cream to make the pain go away- the fists thrown to protect- sister- brother- blue and brown-_

I blinked before smiling slightly and squeezing her hand,

“Yes,” I softly responded, “I think I’ll like it.”

 

A shinobi was at our door with a letter, Mom took it and thanked him, relaxing as she saw who it was from before taking me and heading to the living room couch to read it. This was the usual whenever Dad managed to get something sent home from the front lines, they were few and far between so each time Mom and I would sit down and read it together. As of late Dad would even sometimes write a little letter just for me, sometimes with little seals scrawled onto the bottom for me to figure out. I enjoyed those.

Mom opened it and smiled slightly as she handed me the one with my name on it and I happily took it, opening it.

It was a bit different from usual though. The common jokes and interesting facts about where Dad and the others had been weren't inside this letter. Instead it was just a simple, short one talking about how they would be home within the next week or two, and how he wishes circumstances were better.

I stared, confused by this but a low feeling of dread pooled in the bottom of my stomach.

I looked up at Mom to ask what the main letter said and paused, taking in her sudden stillness and palor. It wasn’t like her, that wasn’t a good reaction to a letter. Something was really wrong.

“Mom..?” I asked hesitantly, a question never finding its way fully out of my mouth as Mom quickly turned to me. She stared at me a moment before sniffling and setting aside the paper, opting to pull me into a tight hug. I slowly hugged her back as my Mom's eyes watered.

“Mom?” I tried again, “What's wrong?”

Mom sniffed and wiped her eyes before frowning.

“Oh Kaminari,” she said, her voice cracking a bit under her clear pain, “It's about Obito..”

I froze up a bit because no… There was no way..

“He was on an important mission-”

No. It couldn't of happened. That couldn't just happen-

“Got injured at they couldn't-”

They weren't real! None of that was real and yet-

“I'm so sorry Kaminari-”

It was real. I knew it was going to happen and I didn't stop it. I knew and I said nothing.

It's my fault.

“-you okay?”

_-Screaming and the iron scent filling the air as-_

“Kaminari?”

_-Rocks crush and bones break but then there were tens and thousands of eyes watching. Watching. Watching-_

“Kami-”

_-It was all our fault._

I didn't notice when I had started sobbing, but suddenly I was aware of the arms tight around me and the way that every shuddering breath hurt. I clung to Mom and let out wrecked sobs as she tried to comfort and calm me.

But how could she? She didn't even know that I knew this would happen. I saw it happen- I don't know how- but I did. And I got scared and said nothing and now….

My weight against Mom, all I felt in that moment was a sensation of being lost along with a large part of guilt eating away at me.

I had known and I had let it happen.

I don't know how I was supposed to deal with this. It was too much too fast.

So I leaned into Mom more, taking a small solace in her arms.

I spent the next week feeling like I was in a haze. After the grief and the guilt I settled into a cold numbness that caused everything to be muted and soft. I still was having a hard time processing what happened, it just didn't seem real. When I was by myself working on learning a seal or running through what little taijutsu I was picking up, it was almost like everything was okay in those moments. That everyone would come home safe and sound like normal, because people close to you never get hurt. That only happens to other people.

Shock.

I was in shock.

And in the back of my brain I knew it, just like how I knew that Obi-nii wasn't coming back and just like how I knew things I shouldn't.

I saw things I shouldn't.

And I was scared.

And the worst part is I suddenly felt like one of the only ones because apparently suddenly the tone of the war had changed. Some important bridge, Kanabi, my brain reminded me, had been destroyed and things were looking good for us.

People were starting to predict it was going to end, at least on that front, soon.

Because of a bridge that happened to get Obi-nii killed.

I tried not to be bitter.

I was bitter.

Dad did at least manage to get home within the week, followed by Kaka-nii and Rin-nee. The three of them sullen, No tears but they all looked like they hadn't slept in days. They probably hadn't. Obi-niis goggles hung loosely around Rin-nees neck, a memento she kept gently touching occasionally like it'd bring him back. Kaka-nii had a scar, most of it was covered by his hitai-ate but he must of taken a hard hit there. Faintly I wondered what had happened to his eye, it must of gotten hurt. I didn't ask.

Mom pulled each of them into a tight hug and I did the same. Rin-nee managed to get off with watery eyes at the worst, Dad managed a small smile for Mom and I, and Kaka-nii..

I don't think I'd ever seen him actually hug back before.

Nothing really got better between then and the official funeral either. And it didn't seem like anything would change after it either.

It was a warm, sunny day that made me hate the sky. It didn't feel right to have a funeral on a nice day, but nature had never really cares about who lived or died anyways.

So it was on this beautiful day that Obi-niis name was carved into the memorial stone near the third training ground. A section of it wasn't even spent in mourning. Anyone could've felt the tension in the air and seen the occasional, judgemental look that the group of Uchiha who showed up occasionally gave to Kaka-nii.

It seemed wrong at a funeral, whatever it was for could surely wait until the mourning period was up before things broke down even further.

I squeezed Dads hand a bit tighter and leaned against his leg.

He squeezed my hand back.

I tried to remind myself that things always get worse before they get better. That life was a cycle and these things happened.

It didn't help the pain I felt deep in my chest.

And it didn't stop the dreams I had of a man in an orange mask either.

Things started to change after another few weeks. Dad and everyone had them back in the village as things finally started settling down. Iwagakure for the most part seemed to pull back, and the people were ecstatic. More shinobi were able to come home, and things in the village seemed to slowly fall into a more joyous atmosphere.

We all seemed to start to get better as well. The hazey shock finally started to wear off as Mom and Dad took me out more, Dad started to smile more again, along with Rin-nee whenever I managed to see her- though she had taken up working at the hospital in her new amount of spare time. Things started to fall back into place, missing a few pieces but mostly whole.

Kaka-nii I think changed the most. Before he had just been serious but as of late he had just managed to look somber. Obi-niis death seemed to have just taken a lot out of him, and whatever was now missing wasn’t healing easy. But we tried to ease it a bit, and so Kaka-nii usually stayed around our family in those weeks.

My training quickly ramped up as everyone started to swing back as well. In the morning Dad, Mom, and Kaka-nii would take me out to train. Each day started with taijutsu, something I still loved and thrives in, followed by weapon throwing. Sadly throwing shuriken didn't come as naturally to me as I wanted it to, kuni were easier to use but weren't quite a subtle, and in the end I'd have to learn both anyways. But after that bout of training we’d go get lunch and run any errands for the day before Dad would take me out and continue my chakra training and even started to help me learn my first ninjutsu- the replacement technique.

It was easy to fall into the routine, and it made things seem almost normal.

Kaka-nii quickly became my favorite taijutsu teacher, not so much of this skill, but because of his height. I was significantly smaller than him still but he hadn't hit his growth spurt yet, he was still a solid inch shorter then Rin-nee. It was easier to aim at his stomach rather than dads legs though.

Though he always managed to catch anything I threw at him.

Kaka-nii didn’t even hesitate as he easily grabbed my leg I had been aiming for his midsection and tossed me to the side. An undignified noise managed to leave me as I tumbled backwards across the ground and quickly tried to regain my balance.

I wasn't surprised I didn't hit him, he was leagues above me after all. But still I absolutely hated loosing. So managing to roll back onto my feet I darted forward at him again, attempting to sipe low to knock him off his feet. Kaka-nii easily jumped over me, but I had at least expected him to do that much so I quickly threw my weight onto my hands and used the momentum of the swipe to attempt to  mule kick him out of the air.

Kaka-nii grabbed my leg again and moved to yank me into another throw, my brain surged with ideas on what I could do.

But the issue with this knowledge was two things. I didn’t have time to think during thins, and often my ideas seemed to be a mix of things well suited for my body and some things that would be borderline impossible to do with my meager height and weight.

So when my brain latched onto the idea that I should throw all my energy into throwing my weight foreword in an attempt to toss Kaka-nii over my head- I didn't really think about my body's logistics in that.

So I yanked foreword, and Kaka-nii yanked back, and I quickly learned that Kaka-nii was significantly stronger than me. With what was almost a popping noise and a sudden blast of pain lancing up my leg, I was easily thrown across the ground with a loud yelp.

I stared at my leg for a long moment, it was throbbing a bit in pain and I looked up in slight shock at Kaka-nii who had noticed my sudden pause in action. He raises an eyebrow at me,

“What?” He asked, sounding bored but I heard a very small note of concern in the back of it.

“I… I think I sprained my leg- or something.” I finished lamely as I tried to move the offending body part and only got back another shot of pain. I bit back another small noise as Kaka-nii quickly came over and started looking at it.

“Can you move it?” He asked, hands hovering slightly away from me.

“Yeah but it really hurts and my Knees only moving side to side- I can't straighten it.” I said as I carefully rolled up my pant to check it out. A small bubble of nausea filled my throat at the sight of my slightly off skew and I swallowed it down.

Kaka-nii pauses before moving to gently pick me up,

“Come on, it looks dislocated. Rin can probably take care of it.”

I managed to hold back my wince as I was scooped up into his arms.

“Wow my first training injury- I'm growing up so fast.” I bemused out loud and Kaka-nii let out a small snort as he easily started to flicker towards the hospital. It didn't help the nauseous feeling.

“I don't think that an injury should be counted as a milestone.” He pointed out back as we reached the front doors and walked inside.

The lady at the counter looked up before audibly sighing,

“Hatake-san what brings you here today?”

“Nohara-san.”

“Third floor doing her rounds.”

Kaka-nii gave her a nod before heading towards the stairs. I felt a bit bad for the woman though, seemed to be having a long day. So when we walked by I shot her the prettiest smile I could muster and gave her a wave. Blinking she smiled softly and waves back. Satisfied I looked back foreword as we headed upstairs to find Rin-nee.

It didn't take long. Kaka-nii and I had searched out for Rin-nee before while she was on shift and this time was no different. Thankfully this time she wasn’t in the middle of healing anyone and instead was just wrapping bandages, looking up when she felt us approach and smiling slightly.

“Hey you two, what are you doing here today?”

“I hurt my leg.” I replied bluntly as Kaka-nii gently set me down next to the pile of bandages.

“She dislocated her knee.” He elaborated somewhat stiffly as Rin-nee shot his a somewhat disapproving look before carefully checking my knee over.

“I told you, you throw her too hard Kakashi-kun.” She scolded as she worked and Kaka-nii shifted a bit where he stood.

“She never got hurt before.” He said, a bit weaker then normal and I decided to back him up.

“Don't worry Rin-nee- you guys sometimes get hurt training too. It just happens.”

Rin-nee shot me a look before sighing and ruffling my hair.

“You're just a kid, you can get all banged up training when you're older.”

I pouted a bit at her and she rolled her eyes before smiling.

“That's not going to work on me unlike some people who we won't mention. Now let's fix your leg up. This might hurt for a moment but then it should feel better.”

And with that Rin-nees hands started glowing a soft green as she moves to start healing my knee. When she first touched it I cringed a bit from the spike of pain, but after that it stopped hurting. It just started to feel.. Weird. Like something was being sucked into a straw- but in this case the straw was my leg.

Rin-nee suddenly stopped and pulled away, causing the feeling to suddenly stop. She looked down at my knee before trying again. The same feeling came back and Rin-nee looked baffled. A bit wide eyed she pulled her hands away again and stared between them and my still hurt knee.

“I don’t think that worked Rin-nee.” I said, wincing as I tried to move my leg again unsuccessfully.

Kaka-nii glanced over at Rin-nee,

“Whats wrong?”

“I….” She trailed off, blinking and looking deep in thought before standing, “stay right here for a moment okay? I’ll be right back.” She said before rushing off down the hall.

Kaka-nii and I glanced at each other, and I wonder if he felt as confused as I did. Rin-nee never had that reaction when healing someone before, but really it didn't even feel like anything was healed.

After a few moments Rin-nee came back tailed by a nice looking older woman who looked me over a bit concerned.

“You couldn’t heal her leg?” She asked, looking at Rin-nee and sounding a bit mistified.

Rin-nee shook her head and slowly responded,

“It felt like I was getting some kind of interference… Like my chakra was just being… Eaten.”

The woman hummed and looked me over one more time before leaning over and attempting to do what Rin-nee apparently couldn't not.

The feeling came back as soon as the woman's chakra touched my body, and with it the woman's face morphed into one of shock. It didn't last long though before she glares a bit at my leg and suddenly I felt a much stronger straw-sucking feeling than before. I let out a small gasp when I felt it and for a moment I felt like I was too big for my skin and my head was miles away.

“Does this hurt at all?” Rin-nee asked worriedly, looking me up and down with a tight frown.

I shook my head and slowly tried to find the words to respond.

“No, its like… Its just weird- like a…. Like a sucking feeling.”

“A sucking feeling?” She responded, worry melting away to confusion.

“Yeah,” I said, “like… It feels like water going into a drain… Or.. Or like something coming through a straw.” I managed to explain as I Slowly started to feel my knee move under the flesh as the woman increased the sucking feeling more, sweat dotting her brow.

After that it only took a moment before my knee seemed to softly click back into place with next to no pain. The woman then suddenly stopped all chakra going to my leg and pulled back with a sharp exhale, like she'd been holding her breath the whole time.

She looked strangely between my knee and my face, breathing slightly heavier, before looking over at Rin-nee.

“Who is this child?” She asked and Rin-nee blinked before quickly responding.

“She’s my Sensei's daughter.”

“Go get him.” The woman said, regaining her composure a bit.

Rin-nee bit her lip for a moment before glancing at Kaka-nii nervously who went a bit paler than normal and then disappeared without a word.

“He’ll be here in a moment.” Rin-nee said, watching me as I kicked my now fixed leg.

I didn’t really understand why everyone was acting so concerned. My leg felt fine now, the reason to fuss was over. I rolled back down my pant leg as we waited.

“Kami-chan are you sure you don't feel any pain anymore?” Rin-nee gently asked me as I finished unrolling it. I looked up at her and shook my head.

“No, it feels fine now.” I said and gave her a smile to try to ease her worries.

She did seem to loose a bit of tension and managed a small smile back before in a flash of motion Kaka-nii was back and Dad was with him. I gave him a bright smile.

“Dad! I had my first training accident!” I said happily and Dad’s face melted from one of severe concern to a soft smile.

“Oh did you now? I told you to try to be more careful, you're too rambunctious.” He said as he ruffles my hair and I couldn't help but grin.

Once he was done the serious look was back as soon as he looked up at the doctor woman.

“What’s the problem?” He asked, tone short but clearly with a worried undertone.

The woman looked at him and simply stated,

“I think there's something wrong with your daughters chakra system.”

A pause, and everyone was silent for a moment. Everyone looked about as confused as I suddenly felt, so I took that as a somewhat good sign.

“What do you think is wrong with it?” Dad asked as soon as he found his voice again and the woman frowned.

“Her body was eating my chakra. When Nohara-san tried the first time he came and got me because she couldn't do it. Thought your daughter's body was simply rejecting the chakra we here trying to put into it. But when I tried I realized that isn't the case- she body simply… Takes it- but then it's gone.” The doctor finished quietly, sounding a bit strange in the silence of the hall.

“Hows that possible?” Rin-nee asked, wide eyed, “I mean chakra doesn't just disappear.”

The woman shook her head, “Maybe it is going somewhere else, I don't know. We’d have to test that to find out… But from what I can tell just from managing to heal her leg, which took significantly more chakra then I've ever had to use to heal this kind of injury before, her body just takes the chakra and then its.. Gone…”

Everyone was silent. I kicked my feet and looked between them.

“But…” I quietly said, “I can use chakra- so that doesn't make sense?”

Dad looked puzzled.

“We’ll have to look into this. But for now… I expect we’ll be able to keep this information private?”

“As it hasn't harmed anyone yet I don't believe I need to report this.” The doctor said quietly, “However please be cautious if using any medical jutsu on her.”

Dad nodded and gently picked me up.

“That will not be a problem, thank you.”

The doctor nodded and after one more glance, left.

I blinked up at Dad and fiddled with my fingers.

“Does this mean I won't be allowed to train anymore?” I asked, a bit sullen by the idea.

Dad shifted me in his arms while he thought for a moment before he gave me a small smile.

“No. It should be alright. We’ll just have to be more careful. Sound good?”

I smiled slightly at that and nodded.

But something felt wrong about this. Something was off about me and I had just never really noticed. Before when I had felt inside myself, the vast, deepness I had associated with my chakra had been comforting. It was the night sky, seemingly infinite and beautiful. But now I could almost feel it, the slight pull. The sucking sensation. It was barely there, unnoticeable except when I really tried to feel it. Was it still absorbing chakra? Was it still-

_Deep and hungry  and clamoring for more. Trying to hold the pieces together but falling apart at the seems, every stitch put back together another falls out. We’re trying, we’re trying. How long- how many- it doesn’t matter. It doesn't matter until the pieces connect and we’re- I’m-_

I just didn’t know.

And that terrified me.

* * *

The war for the most part seemed to be over. There was still fighting but things were different, people were coming back home more than they were leaving for the first time in what felt like forever. Ninja were staying home for longer periods, and rumors circulated that the Hokage was going to pick a successor soon.

Despite all this however, the war was not completely over. People still had to go out and fight, and until the treaties necessary were signed that would just be the way things were. And so, despite the break that they got, Dad, Kaka-nii, and Rin-nee were all to be dragged out to the battlefield yet again.

I stood at the door to the living room in my pajamas, watching as the three of them got ready to leave.

This time I would say something.

I had to.

I had flashes of horror and death all night. Rin-nee was supposed to die soon, just like Obi-nii did. I didn’t do anything last time to stop it, I was terrified and didn't understand what was going on.

I still didn't understand.

But there was this level of certainty in me that said I had to at least try to do something, anything. And in this case that meant doing exactly what I should've last time: actually speak up about what I had seen.

I swallowed my nerves and wandered over to Rin-nee as she finished packing up a pouch full of kunai. She smiles as I approached.

“Come to say goodbye Kami-chan?” She asked sweetly, and I felt my stomach twist a bit.

“Yes.” I said bluntly before frowning and lowering my voice, “Hey Rin-nee… Can you do me a favor?”

Rin-nee blinked before leaning foreword,

“What is it?” She softly asked and I took a deep breath for courage.

“Stick right next to Kaka-nii while you're gone.”

Rin-nee paused and raises an eyebrow,

“Why do you want me to do that Kami-chan?”

“I had a bad dream.”

“Oh? And it had me in it?”

I nodded

“Some mean ninja. I think mist? They have squiggles on their headbands hitai-ate they got you alone and took you away. And then… And then they hurt you! And- And before you could get away you….” I trailed off, fidgeting with my hands as I remembered the vision.

Rin-nee frowned at me before pulling me into a hug.

“It was just a bad dream Kami-chan,” she softly said before pulling away a bit and giving me a reassuring smile, “but I'll make sure to stay extra close to Kakashi, okay?”

I felt the tension in my body drain out at her words.

“Okay.. Yes, thank you Rin-nee.”

Rin-nee smiles and gave me another short hug before letting go.

“Good! Now go say goodby to Kakashi-kun and Sensei.”

I smiled slightly at her and with much more pep in my step moved towards Kaka-nii. He glanced up at me and after a short silence quietly ruffled my hair, causing me to let out a small disproving noise as I tried to whack his hand away.

“Stop! You're going to mess up my hair.” I whined, like it'd make any difference by this point. He smirked slightly under his mask and ruffled it a little harder before pulling away and I shot him a small glare.

“Maybe I won't say goodbye to you now.” I said and crossed my arms, still glaring.

Kaka-nii had the audacity to not even blink.

“Well then guess I'm leaving without one.”

I rolled my eyes and hugged him.

“Fine, just stay safe you jerk.”

I felt his hand pat the top of my head in response and I pulled away, giving him one more pouting glare before moving onto Dad.

“Dad~” I singsonged as I immediately latched onto his legs with a tight hug, “Come back safe and sound, okay?”

Dad looked down at me, smiling softly before lightly detaching me from his leg and picking me up.

“Of course I'll come home safe for you Kami-chan.”

I smiled slightly at that, it was probably true. Dad was the toughest person I knew, even if he didn't look like it.

“I know- I still like to hear you say it though”

Dad chuckled and kisses me on my forehead gently.

“I can see your mother's rubbing off on you…” he teased and I heard Mom let out an unserious annoyed noise.

“Watch it Minato or I'll try to rub off on her more.” She teased back and Dad got a small grin and fake whispered to me.

“Sounds like a good idea to me, how about you Kami-chan?”

I giggled and Mom rolled her eyes at us, taking me out of Dads arms.

“The two of you will be the death of me, I swear.”

“Hopefully not before the baby comes” Dad said lightly, smiling as he kissed Mom and stepped towards the door.

“Oh trust me, I'm more than tough enough to wait that long. Now whether I want to…”

Dad chuckled again and soon after Rin-nee and Kaka-nii joined him at the door. The four of us smiled gently at each other and and this time left out and goodbyes, and they disappeared into the night without a word.

Mom lightly bounced me on her hip as she shut and locked the door. And for some reason a small part of my heart hurt, though I couldn't yet understand why.

  


“Itachi-chan, are you ready for the academy?”

He paused his stretches and looked at me

“Yes.” He thought for a moment, “but it's a few months before we go. I think I'm ready though.”

I hummed and finished the same stretch, cracking my back as I reached up before laying back onto the floor.

“Im kinda nervous” I stated sheepishly and Itachi raised his eyebrow in my direction

“You know it's just…” I grasped for the right words and instead just smiled slightly at the thought, “we're gonna be ninja.”

“We won't be ninja until we finish the academy though.” He pointed out, smiling lightly at me.

“Well I know that.” I rolled my eyes and looked back over at him, “but still the idea is there. We’ll be ninja in training. Proto-ninja.”

“Protoninja?” He parroted, looking mildly amused.

I nodded and he thought about it for a moment before giving a small shrug and standing.

“Ready to train?”

I nodded and moved to stand,

“What do you want to do today? Oh, oh, oh- we should do-” Itachi cut me off before I could finish.

“We aren’t going to do taijutsu again.” Itachi said, looking only half as exacerbated as he sounded, “It's what we've done almost nonstop for the past week”

“But Itachi-chan, taijutsu is fun” I whined and then pouted at him in defiance, “but what was your idea?”

Itachi brightened slightly at the fact I wasn’t dead set on some more muscle numbing workouts.

“Lets try to work on ninjutsu. We haven't done that in awhile. Oh,” Itachi paused, eyes widening as if he remembered something, “actually I started learning my first genjutsu. How about I try to teach you?”

I went to agree but paused, thinking about the last time someone tried to put their chakra in my body.

The sickening sucking feeling.

I grimaced at the thought of having to feel that again, and even more so at the idea that I might hurt my friend.

“I'm… Not sure if that's a good idea Itachi-chan..” I tried to avoid it, but only after did I realize I just opened myself up for obvious questions that would follow. Crap.

“Why not?” He asked curiously, just like I hadn’t hoped. Wasn’t looking like I was going to get away with this one.

“There's something that's.. Wrong or something.. With my chakra” I said, trying to simply put it, “it's like by body just um.. Sucks all the chakra up that's put into it and it doesn't work… And the doctor said to be careful because they don't know if it's dangerous or not.”

Itachi stares for a moment, a bit wide eyed.

“I didn't know that could happen” He pointed out, sounding somewhere between a bit awed and stunned.

“Neither did they” I said sourly and Itachi looked me up and down for a moment before looking serious

“Can I try my genjutsu on you?” He asked.

I blinked

“Seriously?” I squinted a bit as I asked, because really. That was just plain stupid.

A nod

“Did you not hear what I just said?” I tried to worm my way out of this.

“I heard you just fine Kami-chan.” He replied, nonplused by my disbelief.

“But what if it eats your chakra?” I tried again.

“I have more.” He simply stated.

“What if you get hurt?” Because, seriously, this was a horrible idea.

“I'll be careful.” He brushed the concern off.

“No what if you ACTUALLY get hurt?” I was willing to wine about this, I didn’t care if I sounded like a petulant child at the moment, I really didn’t want him to get hurt.

“Training accidents happen all the time. Worst case won’t be any different.” I tried to ease my worries.

“It's not an accident if I seriously hurt you.” I fired back weakly. “Itachi-chan-”

“Kami-chan” He interrupted. He had the audacity to even smirk a bit as me forced the bickering into a circle. Damn it.

I glared before groaning and stomping my foot at his amused, smug expression

“Fine! But know this Itachi Uchiha! If you get hurt, I warned you!” I stated as I crossed my arms and watched him, waiting for this to happen. I probably looked like a brat, but I didn’t even care, I could barely believe I was getting peer pressured into doing something that could potentially bare some really serious consequences.

Oh well I guess.

“I'll be fine Kaminari Namikaze” he said lightly as he worked through the handsigns, clearly pulling each from his memory with relative ease.

As he finished the last one I admired slightly how fast he had apparently learned something new, then his chakra suddenly it hit me and the sucking feeling started, sharp and hard. Itachi let out a small gasp and immediately released the jutsu, staring wide eyed at me, like he hadn’t actually expected a response. I didn’t think I had ever said anything to make me seem like a liar, was what I had tried to explain to him really that farfetched? I shuddered at the feeling soon trickled to a stop, distracting me from my thoughts. I rubbed one of my arms nervously.

“Are you okay?” I asked uncertainly, “ I told you that you could get hurt”

“How… How are did you that?” Itachi asked in soft wonder, ignoring my question as he moved a bit closer as if the answer would physically appear around me.

“I dunno… I don't think anyone does..” I quietly pointed out as he looked at me with an unreadable expression.

“... I don't think we should try that again.. At least not now” Itachi conceded and looked me over, his face morphing into a concerned frown.

“Are you okay?” He softly asked

“Yeah it just.. Feels weird” I tried to explain.

“What did it feel like?” He asked, sounding a bit unsure on if he actually should or not.

“Like a sucking feeling.” I said, trying to sound less freaked out then I was and shrugging a bit.

“So do you still feel it?” Another question.

“The sucking?” I attempted to clarify.

“No, my chakra at all. If it got sucked into you shouldn't you feel it?” Itachi asked, sounding fairly uncertain if it works like that himself.

“I… Hmm..” I paused and thought for a moment, focusing inward.

Nothing except the small feeling that I was still dragging ambient chakra in.

“No. I don't feel it.” I said with a small shrug and Itachi’s face just grew more curious.

“Huh…” He replied, seeming to accept the answer.

The two of us stood in silence for a moment, and I felt the continued worry in my gut. It was pretty weird wasnt it, it clearly wasn't normal. Just what was wrong with me?

“Kaminari-chan?” Itachi piped up and I snapped out of my thoughts

“Y-yeah?” Crap, I didn’t manage to hold back a stutter. I tried to ignore the heat rising to my face at the clear breach in my own mask.

“... Want to do some taijutsu instead?” Itachi lightly offered.

I paused.

It would at least be a alright in the respect that I wasn’t going to be forced into having to deal with that again for the day. Itachi clearly felt a bit bad about pressuring me, or he wouldn’t of offered to do taijutsu.

The thought was nice and helped sooth some of the worry burning in me.

I let out a small breath and smiled slightly

“Of course, when do I not like working up a sweat.” I let myself joke a bit, it felt good to do so.

Itachi brightened a bit at the response.

“At least one of us does” He teased slightly, but there was no bite in it.

I snorted, and the two of us got to work.

 

The news came back later that week that Rin had died on a mission. Mom clutched the letter tight in her hand, trembling slightly as she obviously held back tears.

“Kami-chan,” she said, her voice straining around the edges like a taut string, “Rin-chan isn't going to be coming home.”

I felt cold.

It hadn't been enough just so say something about it. Apparently I should've done more. Should of, could of, the power of hindsight tugged painfully at my heart. I had all the opportunities, all the chances, I could of saved her. But I didn't do good enough, words weren't enough.

It hurt, deep down in the depth of me it hurt.

Because I'd never see Rin-nee again. None of her bright smiles or afternoons of her reading to me. No more going to the hospital with Kaka-nii just to see her, no more playing with her in the backyard.

She was gone. And it was my fault.

Mom set down the crumpled note and moved to pull me into a tight hug.

Oh I was crying, I hadn't even noticed this time. I wrapped my arms tight around her and tried to draw whatever comfort I could from her.

“Mom,” I asked shakily, pain settling into my bones, “how… How did she die?”

I felt Mom pause and swallow before pulling away to look me in the eye, gently moving some hair out of my face.

“It didn’t say Kami-chan, ‘ttebane. They don't put the hows or whys in the letter…” She gently told me, as if this fact would cause me to break into pieces.

“Oh…” I said softly. I knew how she died, I knew it in my gut. The flashes of moments and time told me how it happened.

I just wanted to make sure.

I needed to know it was my fault that she wasn't coming back.

But until then I tried to find some comfort in Mom.

I tried to ignore the corners of my mind, peeling up at the edges and under them flashes of screams and ugly chakra in them.

 

It didn’t shake me as much this time.

The death, the funeral on the offensively bright and sunny day, the tired eyes of my little family and the weeping of the ones who had come to mourn.

This time it just didn’t stick like it previously had. I felt the sting of loss deep down, but this time it was so much more clear and simple and it just was. I failed, and I couldn’t change that.

But next time, I just had to think for next time.

If anything this had proven it at least. Glimpses into the future, flashes of whatever. It was cold, hard proof that it wasn’t just some strange coincidence that I could ignore. I just had to do better.

Actions were worth more than words apparently, and I wouldn’t make that mistake twice. So in the aftermath of Rin-nee’s death I settled down and focused on getting ready.

As gently as I could, I brushed of the concern Mom and Dad shown for me and the ever so subtle changes in everyone's behavior. Mom and Dad’s ever increasing protectiveness, Kaka-nee’s slow and steady cracking under the surface. It was so painfully obvious as soon as I looked for it, and I wondered how I could of kept myself from seeing it for so long.

But not anymore.

I would focus on this, I would get stronger, and I would figure out how to stop the things I would see.

And the first step of doing that was actually allowing myself to see those things, to embrace the visions and not shove them into the back of my mind where the would fester.

So I sat cross legged, trying to push to the back of my head where I kept all the little images and scenes locked up tight.

I dug until I started to hit them.

And allowed the clips of possibilities to run through me.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last of the original chapters. Originally chapters 7 and 8 on fanfiction.net. From here on out it's a wild world of possibilities and how fast I can write.
> 
> Also serious question: would readers prefer this to be kept in first person or switched to third person?

**Author's Note:**

> So I was originally posting this on FF.net a couple years back but I stopped over time and I think I want to try to get back into it.  
> Currently working on chapter 4  
> Progress: Being Written


End file.
